Reconciliation after divorce

[JMC]

I've been trying to figure out for four months if that is me. Do I really love my W and want her back or was I just "addicted" to being married.

I have thought about this as well. I really enjoyed being married and would tell those getting married in my department the same thing. One person at work once made the comment that I was the only person who said that to him, and that he never heard me put down my wife.

I am not suggesting I was perfect, but I always held her in high regard and was proud of her accomplishments. She was a single mother at 17 and buried her own mother while she was pregnant and her father (a functional alcoholic from what I am told) six years later. I now understand that these childhood issues, combined with the empty-nest syndrome and a hysterectomy, contributed to her MLC.

I still believe I loved my ex-W, but now see there were problems that needed to be more seriously addressed (debt, for one). We all have our moods, but I now see that, especially towards the end, she has a temper and tended to put me down whenever the chance presented itself.

In addition to sometimes asking myself 'do I really want her back?', I also ponder 'why was I attracted to her in the first place'.