Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

W called this morning about D10's health. She has bronchitis and it's just not getting better. It was a fine conversation, totally on D10, nothing about us.

At one point I did toss in that she ought to try a book I'm reading about how to better talk to your kids. DB counselor Dottie asked me to read it to learn how to talk to W, but I see it as more of a help with the kids.

In any case, it shows her I'm using my time to improve -- but she knows that already. I have to show it's not a ploy or short-term thing.

I keep trying to remember patience, patience, patience. I've always been a day dreamer and I've had scenario after scenario playing in my head about how we'd break through this and talk about reconciling.

Right now, I can't think of any way it will happen. Maybe that's good, maybe that means I'm accepting the status quo and whatever happens, happens. I like going through the forums and finding the stories where things looked bleak and then 9 months or a year later the "newness" wears off the freedom and the WAS realizes the problems weren't the spouses but themselves.

I did use a tip I got on these boards last night. I messaged W at 8 p.m. to tell her I'd be calling the kids to say goodnight. I felt bad about going dark the whole weekend because it means going dark on the girls.

So I'm going to do a halfway thing, message W to say I'm calling for the girls each night I don't have them. If she wants to initiate conversation that's up to her.