I think she misses me as the father (family) but not as the husband. I think if she truely missed me, then she would not be doing what she is doing.
I called her last night to tell her that when I have the kids over the weekend, she should at least call and say hi to them instead of giving the perception of falling off the face of the earth. I came on a little strong and upset her so I am kickin' myself this morning. I also made the mistake of asking her if she was still having doubts about the D. She was a little annoyed with the question, did not want to talk about it and stated she wanted to maintain the status quo.
If you feel she needs to call to talk to your children on the weekends you have them, then I think you can be strong because it is what is best for the kids, as long as you are doing it for them and not for you to talk.
With asking about the divorce, don't worry, everyone makes mistakes. Just get back on the horse and don't ask. Let her have a chance to miss you as a husband, and a father too because if that is how it start then that is great. The rest will come. At least she is complimenting you about being a great father.
Hang in there! I feel for you.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
I had to speak with the W this morning about logistical stuff which included D talk. She was very matter of fact about the D talk and said things like, "when we are divorced...". She also mentioned she found a house that she is going to move on so, any doubts she might have had about the D appear to be gone. I know she still hates what the family has become but I think the OM and her own happiness appear to be priority one (I can not blame her for wanting to be happy). Whether or not she misses me or likes missing me, as she has said in the past, appears to be a moot point. I get no indication she really does. If I have plans she never ask what I am doing, whom I am doing it with or how it went.
I was strong during the conversation and went along as though I agree with everything. However, I am not feeling to good right now.
I am sorry that you are feeling down about the conversation.
I will say this, I don't think you can have a relationship with anyone without second guessing. Right now, the OM keeps her mind occupied. But at some point the glamour will wear off, and he will just be another guy. If you can hang in there, you might be able to see it through.
Also, divorce is just a piece of paper. Look at it this way...if the time comes that you do reconcile, you can always remarry. And there seriously is a possibility that if it comes to that, you may not WANT to reconcile. I realize it may not seem like that now, but trust me, it can happen
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Whether or not she misses me or likes missing me, as she has said in the past, appears to be a moot point. I get no indication she really does. If I have plans she never ask what I am doing, whom I am doing it with or how it went.
Yes. I know that vibe. We talked for 10 minutes this morning about D10's health. It's so businesslike between us.
Last week I had to call her about a question on a surgery I'm having Oct. 14. She answered the question and then didn't enquire about what kind of surgery, how long I'd be laid up anything.
That hurt.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
It has been a while since I vented and doing so here always makes me feel better so...
My W has purchased a new house and is very excited about it since it will get her out of the apartment she is currently in. I can not blame her for that.
Nothing between us has changed. I have not initiated any serious dicussions about us or the OM in sometime and I continue to be upbeat when she is around. I only see her during the kid exchange or during soccer games but in general we do not talk too much. Mostly just small talk. I typically do not try to initiate any conversation and I never ask her what is going on in her life. Maybe my approach is to drastic but I want her to know that I am moving on and that I refuse to be a victim.
If she does miss me she certainly is not giving any signs of it but I do know she misses the children something terrible when they are with me. Although I am still in crisis mode I do feel better that I no longer have the massive pressure to try to fix things. I still think about her and the OM a lot and I am convinced they are going to be together for a long time. They may not get married but I think it will take a long time for them to figure that out and by the time they do, I will likely be long gone. That is scary for me since I miss the family and want that back. The other scary thing is even if she did decide she wanted to work on us, I am not sure if I could do it given everything she has done.
So in any case, I'm doing my best to GAL, stay strong and be consistant with my approach.
It is impossible to predict what will happen in the future but it is comforting to know things will get better no matter what happens.
Prior to the last couple of weeks I have been doing pretty good. Felt like I was moving on nicely and GAL was improving. However, last night I found out the ex-W (pending) has already introduced the OM to some of her family, had him spend thankisgiving with her family and is even involving him with the family Christmas gift exchange. They have been dating for about four months, although they had a prior relationship about a year and half ago for a few months. In anycase, I knew this type of situation would eventually happen, just not so soon so, now I feel like I am at ground zero emotionally.
When I talked to her about this last night I told her I understood why she did not want to tell me but, that I was suprised none-the-less. Her response was that she did not think it was really any of my busness anymore and she is just living her life. She is just moving so dam fast. She then brought up every negative attribute about me and how good the OM treats her and how happy she is. She is defenitely in love or at least thinks she is. Couple all of this with the holidays and life is not much fun right now.
Just a quick question. My soon to be ex-W had an EA with the OM about a year and half ago but then stopped it when I found out but I'm gueesng he really never left her thoughts. In June we seperated and she started a relationship with the same man about 5 weeks later. I know that most "affair" relationships seldom last longer than 6 months or a year and I'm wondering if the current relationship she is having might fall into this category or if this is something different.
She has not introduced him to the kids yet but I am expecting that soon. I would like it to happen just to get it over with.
Most don't lask, some do though and you should be prepared for that. However I think the more attention you give their relationship and focus on it with your soon to be ex-wife the dug in she will get just to show you how "wonderful" it is. Unless the OM is negatively affecting your kids, I wouldn't give him 1 second of lip service when interacting with your wife. Talk about anything other than him. Let her find out and experience his flaws. Discussing him in any manner whatsoever, will cause her to jump to his defense and make it more difficult for her to see his shortcomings.
