All quite true, yet one hears that Player X "just doesn't have heart" or that Player Y "sure has a lot of heart."
These are all implicit measurements, based upon observation -- conclusions reached through analysis (say, comparison of X to Y).
So the mere fact that they are intangible doesn't mean one can't explore them objectively.
Sure, love is like pornography which Justice Potter Stewart famously said in 1964 he couldn't define but recognized when he saw it.
I'm still struck, however, by the internal contradiction that lurks in so many posts -- love is a choice (verb or noun), WAS is in the fog because s/he's not "in love" anymore (feelings are not a basis for decision-making), assess who you were in the M and make changes (analyze and deduce) -- but wait! Don't try to analyze love! Paralysis through analysis! It's all about the feelings!
Well? Which is it?
But that's the catch isn't it, I don't think you can be objective when talking about love.
Everyone's reality is subjective, only we can feel what we feel, we can try to describe it, try to relate to others, we may feel similar but we can't feel what others feel and they can't feel what we feel. We only get to live in our skin and no one else will know what that feels like, the only brain we get to use is our own, the only pair of eyes we get to see through are our own, etc. etc.
Everything is subjective, it's based on our point of view, our experiences.
Everyone's definition of love, what it feels like to them, what it means to them will be different from everyone else's understanding of it.
How could it be anything else?
So in the end, everyone's definition of love is right and wrong all at the same time, depending on the viewpoint.
Boy... this is confusing.
My own problem is this and I don't mean to hijack your thread SP but it seems to be similar, after playing LBS for a while and then becoming WAS when the tables turned, my excitement is gone, I feel like I'm going through the motions and I'm trying but I find it difficult. I've owned my part in all my own relationship issues (or I've tried to at any rate) but I find it so easy to want to walk now, to quit. How do you give that person the chance and be true to them about that chance, how do you get excited again. When you get so used to disappointment, you remember the rejection, the problems, the hard work and all the effort that went into this, something new & different is so much more appealing and attractive than working at something that hasn't been anything like that in such a long time and when the dynamic in the relationship changes and the original WAS is now trying to make amends, trading spots with them makes me feel what they must have felt originally: this is too hard, so much time has been wasted on this, is it really worth it, why am I doubting this all of a sudden when I wanted it for so long, why am I disappointed when I look at them, why do I have such a long list of everything they've done wrong, why can't I attribute value to all the good things my spouse is doing, when they slip why do I feel like quitting and walking away so easily?
Is it just me, did/is anyone else experience/ing these feelings when things turn/ed around?
Am I just being crusty after all of this crap has happened and because I now have more control in the relationship am I attributing less value to it and that's why I don't want it as much anymore. There are days when I want it to work but there seem to be more days now that I don't want it to work. I'm just being honest with these feelings, maybe it's too early to tell what any of this means.
