I just love you guys so much! You always talk such sense to me even when I sound like a crazy woman!
C went well. I gave her the letter and we are going to discuss it next week. I told her how painful it was to write and she said 'Good. You needed to give those feelings life to let them go. The final step in this will be to burn that darned thing in the end!' We talked a lot about my guilt feelings. Guilt about leaving mom on her own so I can go out and do something for myself (I have no problem leaving her there for hours while I'm at work or at church or grocery shopping), the guilt I feel because I even have the thought that I don't want to be a mom anymore somedays, and the guilt I feel for allowing myself to wallow in misery for so long. She is helping me process those things. She wanted to know what I go out and do for fun. Most of the time....nothing. I don't go out. No one to go out with and only a couple of things that I can do alone. I will go to a movie alone or go to the book store and have a coffee and read for a couple of hours. Nothing else.
My homework assignment this week is to put together a list of community groups and activity groups in the area and pick a few off that list that I would like to check out. She also wants me to come up with a new hobby that I would like to try. Something like crochet, scrapbooking, cross-stitch (I actually used to do that but it got boring pretty fast). Any suggestions? I would prefer it to be something where I can create something. I'm a terrible artist, but I'm usually pretty good at putting things together from patterns. Making models? I just don't know. Suggestions are welcome.
As far as finding group activities to get involved with, I have looked in the past but couldn't find anything that meets at times that I can do. I live in suburban hell...well, it's actually Utopia if you have a partner and don't have to work. All the community classes and activities are geared toward stay at home mom's and pampered pilot wife soccer mom types. The latest classes start at 5pm. Considering I don't get off work until 5:30p on a REALLY good day, that doesn't work. I'll keep digging on that one. I've looked on meetup and parents without partners but nothing in this area.
Donna - I like the salt idea. It might break my heart though to dump salt all over a beautiful piece of chocolate. Of course, that might just stop me from buying it in the first place knowing I would have to desecrate it like that. Yes....chocolate is a holy experience and should be revered.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
If you have looked around and there is nothing in the area, I'm sure that you are not the only one who is missing out - START a meetup or Single parents thing! Ask the church if you can use a room 2x/month for starters. It could be focused on cooking, being a "sandwich" caregiver, parents of autistic kids or other special needs, spirituality, book club, stich-n-bitch (which can be any needle crafts so more show up), movie screening with discussion after, an investment or money-savers/penny-pinchers club... Make it convenient for YOU - what a concept! Tailor-made for mish! Betcha people come... Post it up on food store bulletin boards, the library, park & rec, the church board, coffee shops...sometimes, the pennysaver will even let a "non-profit" put a blurb in for free.
You are pretty far south...any chance of planting your own herb garden for your cooking? Could be a hobby - start small, get some pre-potted ones (they are even in my grocery store) and some seeds...
You have to make some time to build something that you are PASSIONATE about, something outside of yourself.
Donna, I love your ideas... I am considering starting a "parents without partners" FB page here in Greece. There is aboslutely no organization similar to that here. Isnt amazing?
mish, listen to Donna, start up something. Plant some basil, oreganon, thyme and I will send you some original receipes... xxx K
We do love you and you deserve all the love of the world.
An herb garden would be fabulous.......if I didn't have such a BLACK THUMB! I swear I can kill silk plants. Maybe I should give it another go though with more concentration.
Original recipes would be great!!!!! I've always wanted to cook Greek! I'm pretty good at Italian and Chinese so Greek would be a wonderful addition to my repitoire.
It would be a real stretch outside my comfort zone to start a group when I've never been involved in one before and don't know how to manage something like that. Of course, it's out of my comfort zone to even attend a group like that so maybe I should just go for the gusto!!! Whole hog!!! We'll see.
I appreciate all suggestions. It's always good to get other's input who can think outside of the box!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Have you looked into art classes? They have some in our town, painting, drawing, etc, sculpting, photography, and they're very fun from the women I've talked to that go. That's on my bucket list of like 20 things I'd like to do at some point. Oh, cooking classes also, but you sound like you're already a good cook. I'd also like to join a gym too, not creative, but just help me exercise regularly.
You know, I think your letter was beautiful, so amazingly well-written. You know I think your X is the broken one, and you're an amazingly strong and loving person. I know how hard it is to have special-needs kids, and I know you are amazingly special and how hard that is.
I tried the lean cuisine thing too a couple weeks back. I bought some real healthy ones, but after I ate them (like 200 calories) I swear I was starving! Like eating celery or something!!!
Celery actually burns more calories to digest than what you eat - it's a "negative calorie" food. Just some random bit of info stuck in my head. Too bad it tastes like crap.
Mish - to start a group, you really just need to make up a simple flyer. There is nothing to "run," really... if it's book, you pick the first title and see who shows up.
If it's about special needs kids or being a sandwich caregiver, you can also pick out a book to go through together (a good one for special education is Negotiating the Special Education Maze), or share some tips (ask the group what topics they think they might want to address - ask the school psych, spec ed coordinator or other service person if they can attend to help the first one). Same thing with elder care - contact the local hospital or nursing home and see if they have a social worker who might want to be a guest speaker.
if it's cooking, pick Italian to start and ask everyone to bring enough for however many people rsvp, along with the same number of recipies to share. If you can swing it, some places have kitchen facilities that you can rent - think the elks club, church, etc., - then you can demo a main dish, too. Some caterers might be interested in coming to do a demo if they can advertise...
Try the garden again - what's the worst that can happen? Do you know how to contact your local cooperative extension? They have master gardeners who have to "pay back" their classes with free advice. You could even think of BECOMING a master gardener, someday, if so inclined.
I'll keep thinking outside the box. That's what pisces/artists do best (just don't ask me to organize anything or do math - I can, but I hate it!)
I agree with everyone else, mishka, no matter what you think of yourself you are a strong & caring woman!
Are there any volunteering opportunities in your area? Maybe you could google it & find out. Another great place to meet people & help with a common good cause.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
