Sweetie, you seem to be losing patience with yourself because you feel the way you do. It is ok for you to be sad.

Maybe its best for you to limit your contact with your h for now. I know for me its best that I dont talk with h at all.

Go easy on yourself, S. You feel what you feel. This is a big thing. This was your partner for many years.

Dont worry about finding love again. Find you. The rest will happen when its supposed to.

HUGS