For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[LuLu]

Court- Remember this, sometimes you have to fake it to make it. I was the same as you, I couldn't even look him in the eye. It was pure anger at what he's done to me and our girls. It has gotten better though. I told myself, if I can't even look him in the eye or have small talk with him, how are we going to have a marriage??

I just recently told our closest friends, within the past week or so. I couldn't deal with lying about it anymore. People in my Mom's group have no idea and I see them weekly. Only our immediate family and closest friends know, I haven't even told our neighbors but I suspect they all know. Only about 3 people know about the actual affair including my therapist.

I hate to tell you but your gut is probably right. When men leave a marriage they usually have someone to go to. Denial is ok. It's a coping mechanism, whatever you have to do to get through the day. No judging here.

Check this out. I kind of took the advice of Gucci. Check out his posts if you haven't. I've been playing his jealousy card. I've been indifferent and aloof with my h. But I've been very pleasant and nice & friendly. I have not called him or contacted at all for the past week, which is huge for me. Anyway, he knows I joined some meetup groups. For some reason, it came out that I joined the Single Parents group, which I did but have yet to go to an outing. He asked if I like it, I told him I did. For some reason, that group is bothering him. Maybe it should because there are some hottie single Dad's in it. I have no intentions on dating but he doesn't know that. Anyway, everything together has triggered something with him because last night I got my first call from him after the girls' bedtime in over 3 months and it was stupid stuff that really could have waited until I saw him tonight. Different is good!

Court- If he asks, just say I'm going out. Or meeting someone, remember the cashier can count as someone, haha. Be as vague as possible. I don't know about you but when we started dating my H chased me hard. My goal is to bring that back. I was a fun, flirty, party girl and I think it's time I bring some of that back (maybe not so much all the partying but a tiny bit wouldn't hurt). I don't know about you but when we had kids, I turned into the grouchy, serious Mom where my kids were my everything and all. I see my part in our marriage breakdown. Honestly, I didn't like who I became. I've acknowledged it and now I am working on it. I am thankful to him for this awakening. I'm not working on myself for him but rather for me and for my next relationship, whether it's with or with someone new. I don't want this to happen again.