I'm new wondering if this works...

[Butterfly1]

bump

[Energizer Bunny]

Oops, sorry, the above post sounded filthy. I didn't mean it "that way!"

I'm glad that I wasn't the only one who thought of an "alternative" meaning to your response.

I had to fight off some comments that I thought would have been really funny...although slightly off color.

[Butterfly1]

Oops, sorry, the above post sounded filthy. I didn't mean it "that way!"

I'm glad that I wasn't the only one who thought of an "alternative" meaning to your response.

I had to fight off some comments that I thought would have been really funny...although slightly off color.

Well, it wouldn't offend me. Sense of humor of all colors always welcome! LOL

[BigJohn]

Oops, sorry, the above post sounded filthy. I didn't mean it "that way!"

Hope,

Yes I had some ideas of my own after that comment. It's all good... you are among friends here.

[Butterfly1]

Wow, first day I have hardly thought about H. Far cry from the obsessive fears I've had the past month. After the awful weekend of him constantly criticizing me, I was just glad he was gone.

DB says it's good to detach, know your boundaries, know you can live without them. Scared if I get too used to this feeling, I may prefer it. GIMA, I know you know the feeling.

Do you ever wonder if D is for the best? At least the abuse stops. Or is this detachment and acceptance of separation a stem toward finding peace in oneself, which ultimately brings us closer together. Ugh.

It's an inner attitude I'm asking about - obviously a lot of the DB techniques are external - to affect S: 180's, being unpredictable, GAL, going dark, etc. ...

[RedSoxFan]

DB says it's good to detach, know your boundaries, know you can live without them. Scared if I get too used to this feeling, I may prefer it.

It's OK if you prefer it because you should never go back to anything that's bad for you. That doesn't mean there isn't hope for your marriage, just not for the old marriage, right?

Do you ever wonder if D is for the best? At least the abuse stops. Or is this detachment and acceptance of separation a stem toward finding peace in oneself, which ultimately brings us closer together. Ugh.

Finding peace in oneself makes us whole. We can't successfully live with another if we can't live by ourselves. We can't successfully love another if we can't love ourselves. The point isn't whether D is right its that you'll be happy, healthy and strong no matter which path your marriage ultimately follows.

[dolphin_05]

Finding peace in oneself makes us whole. We can't successfully live with another if we can't live by ourselves. We can't successfully love another if we can't love ourselves. The point isn't whether D is right its that you'll be happy, healthy and strong no matter which path your marriage ultimately follows.

Well said RSF!

Cas

[Day by Day]

Hope,

Thanks so much for stopping by my thread. I appreciate your support and am part way through reading your thread. I agree that our sitchs are very similar.

Thanks for the confidence boost!

Day by Day

[Butterfly1]

RSF - thank you! That is well said. I did find inner peace for the first time in a while, so that is a success no matter what! Thanks for reminding me about the new R vs. the old R. H is trying to suck me into the old R - or even a new one that is far more negative - to justify his leaving. I can choose to not engage in that R.

DBD - I also wanted to let you know my H is very defensive and angry like your H. I think they are defending against knowing that what they are doing is hurtful and want to blame us instead of looking at their own behavior. Hopefully, separation and detachment (GIMA is great on this one) can leave them only looking at themselves.

H is coming home tonight after two peaceful nights without him. Gotta work the GAL and the detachment. I will look good (dying my hair today) and I will go out as soon as he arrives. I'm going to a support group and after that I will retreat to my room instead of sticking around the same room as H. This will be a 180 from my usual available behavior and will also be to protect myself from his anger should it return with a vengance.

[Butterfly1]

Not doing so great today - obsessing about H too much - have to get on with my day. Got all caught up scanning his twitter for the girls in his role playing groups.

Called H last night - no answer. Called again today and got a cold "you didn't ask for a callback last night - I'm busy with work right now can we talk later?"

Feeling crappy about contacting him. Feel crappy when I don't initiate contact, but crappier when I do and get no response. Guess I've gotta stop those calls!