UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

So, I think that I have just worked something out. I know that we shouldn't second guess and all that but we are talking here about a couple who used to buy the exact same cards for one another and could finish one another's sentences.

So, this is what I think:

H is interstate with ow - and that's why I haven't heard a pip from him. I reckon that he has taken two weeks leave and has gone over there ... we have had no leave since last October (save a week at Christmas) and he must have accumulated some which he now has to use. This makes sense to me in that, as my recent 'find' from the tribunal, he told them that he had 'work commitments' until 6 October so to delay the hearing until after that. All makes sense now.

Therefore, I shall not contact him. It would only upset me further to have my suspicions confirmed but I KNOW in my heart that I am right. It's why he has not responded to my email of last week in which I suggested that we should meet up prior to the tribunal. He knew that he wouldn't be here and he probably hasn't got the backbone to admit it.

What puzzles me though, is when I challenged him on this previously, he just said that he DID have work commitments and 'stuff' going on. Why would he do that? If he considers that he is saving my feelings, why would he bother?

Oh, I am so ready to rail at him BIG TIME but I am trying to think of how I communicate that I know this, whilst at the same time, continue to DB. Anyone got any bright ideas? I don't want him to think that I am a fool and don't know what he's doing but I want some answers to my questions.

Part of me thinks that, if I am right, this may be a testing time - the longest time with ow and the tramps baggage may wake him up to the reality of the grass not being greener .... who knows? Perhaps it will be a blessing in disguise.

When I thought that he had come back West, I was happ(ier) but now, with this new thought, I am paranoid and filled with rage again. Why can't I just let go and be at peace with myself????