Wish I could loan you some of my new detachment which I seem to have in spades right now! I'm really to the point of keeping up my changes for myself with no expectations of saving the marriage but I see how you are struggling to implement the perception of loving detachment. I don't blame you for wanting to pursue and think up excuses to see or talk to him...but it's not fixing things with H, right? You really are not going to make the situation any worse by trying the NC or very limited NC for awhile, right?
We're all afraid of being alone...but you're right that sometimes we look back and see that it can be so lonely even being in a marriage (if it is broken.) Do you have also some spiritual faith or support to turn to? Although I don't discuss it much with anyone (either here or in my 'real' life) I find that my faith has been my rock through all these horrible times. It's kept me from going crazy in a crazy-making situation! LOL
