UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks LR, Cas and Oz
Oh I hear the advice alright and I know that you think that I am blocking it but truly, H is so done that it's difficult to even get him to have more than one cup of tea whilst he is here, never mind a picnic! (He knows how much I love picnics and it was our last trip out, so he would avoid it just to be awkward anyhow). I can't get him to meet me out for coffee - I tried three or four times and he kept refusing, with excuses.

No community activities here yet as it's a new suburb and nothing established.

I've managed to hold off texting H all day. I'm not sure that nc is the way to go, as I have explained before but I am doing it out of the lack of imagination to do anything else. The temptation is to ask him to meet me, at a weekend, so that we can discuss the finances - this time with boundaries in regard to him flouncing out - and then ask if I can use his car to go get some stuff from that I need for the garden (he has a tow hitch and I do not). He may offer to drive me, if the going is good!

OK - so today's conundrum is, do I let him know that there are some electoral papers here for him? This could be a way to introduce the discussion as above or is this pursuit wrapped up (not meaning to be)?

H has still not emailed me, as he said he would, over the weekend. I want to book the day off work for the tribunal but am still waiting on his confirmation that he will be coming along - as it's important, I don't that that it would be pursuing if I approached him (again) in that regard or, as I have already asked him once and he has not responded, would that be 'nagging'? Oh, this is all so difficult to dance around a man who I could say ANYTHING to a few months ago.

In C last night, C asked me to do some homework and write a list of what makes me angry with H - I came home and wrote two pages, straight off! It has made me start to think .... perhaps I am more lonely than just missing him. Perhaps I am more in love with myself than I am with him, perhaps I trust myself more than I do him .... perhaps I deserve more than him. Perhaps I don't NEED him ... I just want him. And I do. I very much do.