It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Thanks, (((peace))).

Yes, it is a long road and I get so frustrated with myself sometimes and I wish I could find the switch to turn off these feelings, but then I realize that if I could do that then I would never have the joy of really knowing love and I think that is what makes life worthwhile! It's worth it I think, in spite of the pain.

I called STBXH tonight to touch base about a couple of financial issues. We ended up talking for over an hour, which was very unusual. But I didn't do any R talk (which is a huge thing for me especially in the emotional state I've been in the past few days).

He talked about his recent Dr visit (cholesterol, blood sugar, medications......) I just listened and gave my opinions. I told him I liked the naturepath I have been seeing and maybe he should try that. He said she would just tell him he was wrong to be drinking a bottle of wine a day.....

He talked about what he has been doing up at the dream property and his plans for getting the work done here on my house. Said he didn't want me to think that he was doing everything up there and disregarding me, and that he really will get the work done eventually. I told him I really appreciated that.

He also said his GF has been gone a lot on business and he's been alone a lot. Working all the time.....in fact it was 8pm when I talked to him and he was still at work.

We talked about S18 and how things are going with him and the talks they had this past weekend up at the dream property.

It's so strange and sad. I don't want the hard drinking workaholic man he is...... but I do still love him and I know I always will. I truly have let him go with love..... and I am happy and content with that decision...... but it still hurts and I miss him.

S18 and I have our final sessions with C tomorrow. I told STBXH about that and said that I had thought about inviting him for a session about "closure", but wasn't sure he would want that. He actually said he would have gone but had other commitments now at work, but asked me for C's number and said he might try to get a session for just himself at the end of the day if possible.

I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for in my sitch..... and I am thankful. I really am. But it still hurts.