Hello, I've been reading various posts for the past few weeks, but am a newbie poster and apologize in advance for missed abreviations and such. I've read though different posts on this site and others for several months now privately looking for assistance. I believe I'm more confused now then when I began.
I'm 32yrs old and my H is 50, we've been married 3 1/2 yrs and been together for 10yrs total. We have no children. A lack of love on either side is not an issue, I have absolutely no doubt that he loves me, and can say with equal amounts of certainty that he is not having an A. He's my best friend and I to him. To family and friends, we have a healthy marriage.
No one is aware that he has been sleeping on the couch for the past two years, or that we haven't had sex in about a year and a half. We've had numerous conversations about them both. Some calm and productive (even if temporary) and others heated and unproductive. He tells me that him not sleeping in the bed has nothing to do with him not wanting to have sex (blames it on back pain). We've had the "is it me?" conversations, to which he replies "no, I'm just not interested in sex with anyone." He tells me that he doesn't know why he isn't interested, but that he'd like to be again, and that he is robbing me of what he knows I deserve. He's even gone as far to suggest I have an A so that I can be sexually satisfied because he feels like he is failing to provide in that area as a H should. I'll admit that I was FLOORED that he would even suggest it, seeing as he is the jealous type.
He's been evaluated by the doctor and been given a script for ED, as his tesosterone and others came back normal. He's able to perform with the pills, but doens't want to use them. Over the course of the last almost 2 years he's had several reasons why he wasn't interested in sex ranging from he wanted a vasectomy (which he did) because he hates condoms to it just being too much work. He always says he needs to fix this, and do that, but never does. It goes unmentioned until I bring it up again, and then we repeat the cycle.
Our most recent conversation lead to the discovery of Michele's "Sex Starved Marriage" book which we are reading together. I'm afraid this effort is going to end as unsuccessfully as the rest as I see him loosing interest in it already. Seems to me that if he was that intent on fixing the problem, it wouldnt be me always asking if he wanted to pick the book up again two weeks later.
I'm afraid for him, and our marriage. I feel like I'm the only one putting an effort forth to try and fix what I feel is going to ruin everything that we have. Maybe it already has. It feels like he's checked out of our marraige and thinks that it'll magically heal itself. My best friend is right beside me, but I feel like I've lost my husband. The intemacy and closeness that defines a relationship as "more than friends" is missing; my marriage is missing. Is there anything that I can do?
