What do I say to my kids?

[ClingingToHope]

Toughie. The girls keep asking if I love mom and I tell them I do. They keep asking if we'll get back together and I tell them I hope so, but this may be how life is going to work out.

The D10 puts on a brave front, but every once in a while something will happen to send her in a crying fit. When I ask, she'll say she was thinking about us getting divorced. If W actually does file and start the process, D10 is really, really going to take it hard. She has friends of divorced parents and they've been honest with her, about how nothing is really ever the same or as happy as before. (unless of course there was abuse -- not applicable here)

Just the other day, my W and I were sitting together waiting for a parent teacher conference and the D7 smiled and asked if we still loved each other. I smiled back and kissed her on the forehead. The W either didn't hear it or pretended she didn't hear it.

I'm sure they are asking W these questions, but I don't know what her answers are because I don't ask.

I've read that you shouldn't give false hope or even really discuss the future much, just concentrate on the situation right now and make it the best possible.

Just let them own their feelings. That's something I'm reading now thanks to the DB counselor. If your kids are super sad, don't tell them they should cheer up and be optimistic. Let them be sad, these are their feelings, and listen to them. They'll work it out for themselves.

Also, don't use the kids to fill the void of the missing relationship. I started to do that with D10 and have had to back off. She's just a kid. She doesn't need to know the ins and outs of what is happening. She'll have plenty of questions when she's older and can handle it.

One big difference between my W and me. Her parents were miserable but stayed together so she grew up wondering why people stay together when they are unhappy.

My parents were miserable and got divorced. I grew up wondering why two people can't keep it together for the sake of the family. Basically, my childhood has two parts, before divorce and after, so I know what the girls are going through. My W doesn't. She's already said she's having problems figuring D10 out. I don't. I know -- at least about this. When she's 13, 14 and it's all teen angst and boy stuff, then I'll be as clueless as everyone else.