Magnificent

[mishka422]

I just love you guys so much! You always talk such sense to me even when I sound like a crazy woman!

C went well. I gave her the letter and we are going to discuss it next week. I told her how painful it was to write and she said 'Good. You needed to give those feelings life to let them go. The final step in this will be to burn that darned thing in the end!' We talked a lot about my guilt feelings. Guilt about leaving mom on her own so I can go out and do something for myself (I have no problem leaving her there for hours while I'm at work or at church or grocery shopping), the guilt I feel because I even have the thought that I don't want to be a mom anymore somedays, and the guilt I feel for allowing myself to wallow in misery for so long. She is helping me process those things. She wanted to know what I go out and do for fun. Most of the time....nothing. I don't go out. No one to go out with and only a couple of things that I can do alone. I will go to a movie alone or go to the book store and have a coffee and read for a couple of hours. Nothing else.

My homework assignment this week is to put together a list of community groups and activity groups in the area and pick a few off that list that I would like to check out. She also wants me to come up with a new hobby that I would like to try. Something like crochet, scrapbooking, cross-stitch (I actually used to do that but it got boring pretty fast). Any suggestions? I would prefer it to be something where I can create something. I'm a terrible artist, but I'm usually pretty good at putting things together from patterns. Making models? I just don't know. Suggestions are welcome.

As far as finding group activities to get involved with, I have looked in the past but couldn't find anything that meets at times that I can do. I live in suburban hell...well, it's actually Utopia if you have a partner and don't have to work. All the community classes and activities are geared toward stay at home mom's and pampered pilot wife soccer mom types. The latest classes start at 5pm. Considering I don't get off work until 5:30p on a REALLY good day, that doesn't work. I'll keep digging on that one. I've looked on meetup and parents without partners but nothing in this area.

Donna - I like the salt idea. It might break my heart though to dump salt all over a beautiful piece of chocolate. Of course, that might just stop me from buying it in the first place knowing I would have to desecrate it like that. Yes....chocolate is a holy experience and should be revered.