Moving on with my life!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I think the changes exh wants in me is mostly an excuse. He doesn't want me independent. He wants me completely miserable and willing to take any crumb he throws my way even if it means having gf's and me. He makes comments that I seem happy and that makes him angry. Whatever.

It's not that he wants you miserable...well, not exactly. He's jealous and doesn't want to be miserable and you be happy, then his whole choice of affair was a big mistake. DUH! lol and of course he's angry that you seem happy because he's the one who's miserable!

So, keep being happy. whether you are trying to save your marriage or not.

AND, like VB said, quit talking all about exh! I'm glad you corrected yourself and mentioned the party, but you really need to focus on the positives things. You are very focused on the negatives in your life. This is most likely why no one is showing you attention that you are looking for. I think people can just sense that in a person, just like being confident or not. If the underlying feeling in your being is sadness, and longing, then it's going to show up even if your trying to hide it. But if you've got a joy inside and positivity rings thru you, then people will feel that and be drawn to you.

I really think you need to just "fake it till you make it". Make yourself give a positive each time you give a negative. try to balance it out, until you make yourself not speak any negatives.