Old "newbie" needs help FAST!!! Please respond!!

[d1adsl5a]

Hey Ginab. I had posted something earlier. Not sure if I hit the submit button because I can't find it. I guess if I had to do my screen name over again, I would have used my real name, Danny. Not a passcode from 5 years ago..

You sound different today. You sound more in control of yourself. You sound like you have found your sense of self again. Just from a few posts ago when you used the term feeling tortured..I know that feeling. As you said, you just want the pain to end. You do sound stronger today.

I thought I was getting past things. Yesterday, I found myself tearing up at my son's football practice. A 40 year old man, here I am crying again. Where the hell did all these emotions come from..? I think it is because we do love our spouses, our family unit. And it kills us that they are ripping it apart and can't really see or care who they hurt.
I took my youngest to play tennis tonight. It just sucks that if we divorce, just doing simple things like that when it is her turn to have the kids makes me so angry that she isn't fighting for this. I am like you, tired of DBing, GALing, all that stuff. Sometimes you just want closure so you can start moving forward again. It sucks that they just can't see the blessings right in front of them. We are willing to make changes for them. And I,you have. But if they don't love us, have no emotion for us, we can't change that. I thought I could. But nothing in 5 months has changed that. When she said last week, I can hug you as a friend. All I wanted to say was F....Y...But I held back on that one.

Today she invited me over to her moms for her birthday thursday. She said, "I can come". What am I...a dog. I said first did you decide on retrouville? I get I was busy at work, I didn't decide, if you can't wait for an answer cancel...

I stood my ground and said this is your decision. I will not make it for you. I also said that I deserve more respect from you. The last five months I have shown nothing but love for you.

I didn't get a response back. But I came home, acted happy, did homework with the boys and played tennis with the youngest.

I just want her to be the one to make the decision. I want her to want to go. Just like your husband, she is reluctant to go. If she doesn't want it, I am afraid she will shut down like your husband. So I that is why I am pushing. She knows that if she doesn't go, it is over(at least for now in my head). I can start to move on--I guess that is detaching..

Take Care GinaB. Hope you had a good night.