For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Thanks for the very helpful and encouraging posts. H was over tonight. He visits during the week on Tues. & Thurs. He got here around 5pm. I made dinner for DD and I. I no longer ask him if he wants to join us - if he does, that's fine, but I haven't been putting out a warm, inviting invitation to eat with us. Just can't do it after being deceived and lied to. Anyway, after dinner I left and stayed gone for about 2 hours. Went to Old Navy and got a few things. Not that I'm going to ask him, but I'm curious if he wonders what I'm doing.

Lulu, it does sound like we are in similar positions. : ( Glad to have you post, but sorry we are both here. My DD just turned 3. I work part-time, usually about 2 days per week. So in both of our situations - you are right, we need to GAL. If not, we spend ALL of our time taking care of the kids and worrying about the relationship. I can SO relate to you saying that you've been inconsistent and emotional. It's just about impossilbe to not be - until we finally are able to release some of the stress and worry and focus on ourselves which has been the hardest thing for me to do. My H denies OW, but I don't trust him right now or believe him. I know for a fact that he's been talking to someone since all of this mess started. But, I can't focus on that right now, because it will shatter me to pieces and I am no longer allowing that.

I know what you mean about not wanting to go out with your close friends. I feel the same. In fact, even though we have been separted for almost a year, most of my friends don't know. I've only shared our issues with family, my boss and my best friend. I just haven't felt comfortable sharing everything with friends. And I know it's not healthy to carry the burden on my own so talking about things here is def helpful.

I did the SAME thing you did - contacted H for things about DD and the house when I knew it could have waited. Ohhh...the things I've done and said all trying to win back his love.

Thanks for the story, Sgfan. : ) I know, be patient. It's so much easier to say than do. ESPECIALLY when this separation has gone on for a yr next month.

I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job of being happy and demonstrating that. The communication thing is where I'm stuck and not with the no contact. It's when he's here...I can't really look at him, talk to him or stay in the same room with him. We haven't said more than a handful of words in a week and a half. I look at him and all I think about is being deceived and I can't come up with anything friendly or nice to say. Maybe I look like a b**** or the wife that has finally had enough - I just don't know. Maybe it's that I have nothing to nice to say, so I'm better off not saying anything at all. Or maybe I feel like I'll breakdown and I can't allow that to happen. He has hurt me so badly that I just can't force myself to be engaging at the moment.

I feel better just typing things out. Goodnight guys. : ) Thanks again, Courtney