Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[MrBond]

Thanks sandi and cipa.

I had to take a few days off from here to clear my head. Well let's see, as an update.

The thing is that last last Thursday when she dropped the bomb on me that she contacted a L, I had a panic attack at work when it happened. I mean, she sent me an email with "I'm glad you had a good lunch. Oh BTW, I contacted a L so we have to decide how we're going to divide the kids and the house." Just like that.

I mean it started up nice and innocent, and then blindsided me with the L talk. After I read that, I felt my body temp just drop and I started blacking out. If anyone has ever seen the Sopranos when Tony has his panic attacks, that's how it was.

I managed to make it to my car and that night we had the talk that I detailed in my last post prior to this one.

Well since that time, I've been triggering like a mother. I mean, I go to work and I get the shakes. I feel my heartbeat racing and I actually get anxious before she comes home. On top of that, she's started to totally ignore me and talking to me through the kids. WTF?

So, this morning I ask her if she's mad at me and she says 'no.' I tell her how she's been treating me and she tells me she does it intentionally as she has nothing to talk to me about. i said even if we D, I can't co-parent with her if she can't even be polite. She said she didn't realize she was talking to me through the kids. No apology.

So it went downhill from there. She said again how she just wants out because she has no feelings for me and I told her that was no excuse for not respecting me. Then I told her I would file on the grounds of D and drag her OM and best friend to court to back me up. I was on a roll! Then she started to get into her condescending attitude and I left to go to work.

During the drive over, I started feeling bad, so when I got to the office, I left her a message apologizing for how the talk went this morning. I called her again an hour later and asked if she received the message. She said she didn't, so I apologized to her directly. She also apologized and we kidded around for a little bit then ended it.

I think it would have been much easier if she was gone. I have to admit I let my guard down in terms of detaching since things were going fairly well between us. Then 3 weeks ago, it's as if something switched back in her and she became a b*tch. it was when I saw the gradual downturn of the R that I spoke up. then of course it made her want out even more.

I don't get it. She doesn't go out or live out her fantasy like most of the WASs here do. She just seems to really believe that she's miserable because of me and that she has no feelings for me and so wants out. Craziness.

So aside from me continuing with the GAL and detaching, anyone else with any suggestions? I know now that even if I had another woman, she wouldn't care because she has no feelings for me.