Write, write, write. Purge it all out. Glad to hear you are going to the IC - letters like this were emailed to mine so we could discuss it the next session.
I get the feeling that you believe that you are the biggest loser of our lot - the one who really deserved what happened to her. Guess what... We ALL have felt that way, to some extent!!!! It is a way of trying to have some control over a situation that we don't have the power to change. Even if it is deep-seated and a remanent from our childhood (it is easier to believe that you are no good, than to not believe those who love you but are telling you that you are no good, or, There are other reasons for low self-esteem - I'm sure your IC can help you find out what purpose yours is serving in your life. Yes, you may be holding onto those thoughts rather than believe so many who think highly of you, because it serves a purpose to your psyche right now.
As far as the diet thing, buy a big thing of salt (it's cheap). Take a small piece of whatever you are craving, have a bite or two, then douse the rest with salt. You won't eat any more, and you won't feel deprived. Toss it. Don't worry about waste - better to "waste" than to "waist." Feeling satisfied is what will keep you eating healthy. Also, break down meals to small things all day long - a bite here, a bite there. You will never feel hungry (as long as you don't confuse thirsty and bored with hunger - always drink a large glass of water and switch activities before you eat something out of "hunger.")
