Donna, my two best friends have been on AD's for years now and both say they will never go off. My best friend says he's not going back to that dark hole he was in and my next best friend says that she has a good life now and a lot to be thankful for and plans to keep taking her meds. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't go off them, just telling you my friends thoughts and experiences. Sometimes I think I should maybe go on them for a bit and give myself a a bit of time to calm down, but somehow I just won't do it. My own Dad has been on them since I was a kid so depression is in my family. Sometimes I think my kids deserve the best Dad they can have and if taking a med once a day for a while helps me to quell some of that inner anxiety, which doesn't necessarily rule my life but frequently makes it a lot harder, then maybe I should do it. The doctor thinks it's not a bad idea but is leaving it up to me. I'm functioning and I'm not sitting around moping and crying or anything but I am struggling sometimes. So for now, I'll just carry on as is. I'm trying to do some Yoga each night now, starting out at 15 or 20 minutes and move upward. I think a lot of my problem is physical tension which in turn creates a bit of fatigue. But then, if I'm so fatigued how the heck was I out six evenings last week? Well, I'm seeing the shrink again this week, I told her I needed somebody whose there just for me to dump on. It's stressful trying to guide your best friend through the hell I've strugggled through myself the past two years. I know I'm pretty easily disappointed these days. Just one example, I was in a bit of a funk Saturday afternoon and wrote a poem about the sadness of divorce (I'll attach it at the end here). My friend had said the hardest thing he has found is coming home and finding no one there. I emailed my poem to one of my Pastors because I wanted to share it with someone but couldn't think of one friend I could pass it on to who wouldn't be sitting there in tears! I have a good relationship with this Pastor. Well, my Pastor never responded and to be honest that hurt. I was sharing something from deep inside me and got no response. Even a quick "I'll pray for you and your friend" or whatever would have sufficed...but nothing? I struggle with trust and these kind of things just don't help me much. Maybe I'm way too sensitive or maybe I have a right to feel ticked...who really knows. Anyway, I'm kind of hoping the divorce care group I joined last week will give me another outlet. We'll see. Again, thanks for checking on me. From what I've read on your thread you've come a long way Donna, you should feel proud! Here's my poem, it ain't great but it's what it is! : Home Sweet Home
Hi Honey, I’m home. What a day it has been I can’t wait to tell you But I know you’re busy right now So I’ll head upstairs and change And give the kids a kiss Then we’ll sit down to dinner And give praise to the Lord For He has done so much We’ll share the day, the good and the bad. And afterwards, I’ll do the dishes So you can just sit and rest You can tell me your stories As many as you wish I’m up in the bedroom now But all your clothes are gone Family pictures are not standing The book you were reading Is not on your bedside table My pillow lies strangely alone And all at once it strikes me Just like every night now You’re gone... You really are gone. I curl up on that bed and cry “Lord, just get me through one more lonely night”.
