Question

[awest1217]

I don't know what I will be able to do, but I think I am going to call on Monday. I am not planning on filing. Just a consultation. I don't care as much about the limboland on me, I just don't like the deal with my S. No financial support, going weeks without calling or texting, and then saying how much he missed S and me...I just want to see what my options are and how it will turn out.

The type of person who does that to his family...a very confused one.

[awest1217]

So H went to a football game with OW and his parents! I can't believe they would do that to me. I am so mad right now. Mad at H, although I knew they were going to go since the beginning of this month, but mostly mad at my in-laws. I can't believe they are supporting this! I am so mad and sad and betrayed and so many other things I don't even know.

On top of which H spent $75 to go to this plus gas and food, although he has a $1000 credit card bill and a $900 hospital bill...lawyer here I come. I know I am saying that out of emotion, but I figure it is safe to do that here then to him or anyone else in case I don't follow through, but I think it is at least time for a consultation, especially now.

[ClingingToHope]

On top of which H spent $75 to go to this plus gas and food, although he has a $1000 credit card bill and a $900 hospital bill...lawyer here I come. I know I am saying that out of emotion, but I figure it is safe to do that here then to him or anyone else in case I don't follow through, but I think it is at least time for a consultation, especially now.

This would be the ultimate 180. Move ahead with the attorney. Right now, he's got everything. A new relationship, no financial worries and it seems the support of his parents.

You have to look out for yourself and that'll make him realize his new path isn't going to be easy.

[awest1217]

I called a lawyer today and have a consultation next week. I am really sad about this. H has not called or text now to check in for a week and a half. He calls OW every day for hours a day, but he never calls to check in on me or S. (I know because we are on a family plan and I have to check the minutes every day to be sure we don't go over).

I even text him last night because to ask when he would like to get his mail because he has a few bills and other important items, and he didn't even text back to say when he would come and get it.

It is sad to think it is over. I am more sad for him because in a few months when OW's husband figures out what is going on, she will have to choose and she has already indicated she will choose her husband. H will be all alone with no one at all...it makes me sad.

The beginning of the end...

[awest1217]

so completely messed up. Put on my fb something about wondering where I went wrong. H saw it and text about it. So started talking about how he has ignored me and not talked to me in a week in a half after I asked to see a change. Very straight forward and not too emotional. H calls and is upset because does not want to fight, although I was not mad or even emotional, just factual, then I told him that I was talking to the L next week. This really upset him and he hung up. Called and left a message saying there is still hope and I was just going to see my options, but like I said before I needed to see a change and there hasn't been one. Also I was upset because he spent the passed two weekends with OW and his parents. Said there was still hope, but the ball was now in his court because I want us to work, but I am done trying to make it work.

I know I should not have said any of it. I probably should not have put anything on FB. I am definitely going to the L next week, but probably not a good time to say it. I am really sad right now, and I just know H is talking to OW and saying how horrible I am.

DId I completely mess up? I know a 180 does not seem right, but it is, but right now it feels so wrong.

[ClingingToHope]

H calls and is upset because does not want to fight, although I was not mad or even emotional, just factual, then I told him that I was talking to the L next week. This really upset him and he hung up. Called and left a message saying there is still hope and I was just going to see my options, but like I said before I needed to see a change and there hasn't been one.

No, you did not mess up, although perhaps you shouldn't have called back saying there is hope. He needs to know his way "ain't the highway."

It is very sad. You guys are still very young and he needs to grow up a lot and in a hurry. You can't just sit there and let him bankrupt you.

[awest1217]

I am very much at peace today. I really feel like I am doing the right thing for me. I haven't felt this much at peace in months. Saw H for about 2 minutes when he got his mail and it didn't bother me or S at all. We just went on our way like nothing happened.

H has made his choice. He is now trying to break up the marriage of the OW by telling her she deserves better and to move out and in with him (found out through FB). H has been in control and manipulating me for too long. Even now he acts like he is so upset about this whole thing, but I know deep down it is just an act.

I feel so much better! I am standing up for me and S. I am doing what is best for us because no one else is going to look out for us but me. L on Monday. I still don't know if I will file anything officially (money is a huge issue), but it is definitely a possibility.

I just have to make sure I stop taking H's calls and texts. I just need to move on. I have no reason not to now.

[ClingingToHope]

I still don't know if I will file anything officially (money is a huge issue), but it is definitely a possibility.

The money won't get better unless you do file. You've really been strung around.

[awest1217]

So a strange turn of events. I had conferences tonight and when I left I had a text from H. It read,
H - I hope you haven't spent any money on an attorney, and that you can cancel your appointment without a penalty.

Me - Why?

H - I've just been doing some thinking the past few days about what is important to me.

Me - Ok and what have you decided?

H - that you and S are important

Me - I'm glad to hear that so what do you want to do from here?

H - I don't know yet, but I know u and S are a priority to me

Me - Well for right now I am going to keep the appointment because although I am ecstatic to hear you say that, it is still just words. I need some type of action. You did make me happy to hear we are a priority

H - Will it make you happy to know that I'll probably be home soon

Me - Yeah very! I almost cried at an assembly today because it was about being a positive change and talked about if you had 1 hour to live who would you call to say i love you. Mine is you

H - Mine would be you too

Me - Really?!?!? thanks

Although this has given me some hope, I know that it is just words so I can't get too happy. He could just be saying it to call off the lawyer, however H might have finally understood what is happening and me just calling a lawyer was enough. Who knows?

I am still at peace about going on with seeing L unless something major happens (H comes home), otherwise I will still go and at least know my options.

I have had two great nights since calling L. It is just like a load has been lifted, although it scares me and makes me sad, I am at peace.

[LolaL]

Very positive, A, but let me caution you too. Remember, have no expectations. I am not by any means saying that this isn't a wonderful thing, but just watch and wait. See what he does.

And if he follows through and does come back, MC!!! You will both need that to get the marriage back on track.

It could be that your H is realizing the grass isn't greener...being alone is a hard thing. But being stuck in a rut is worse, so make sure you listen, validate, and hear what he is saying. You will get your chance to voice your feelings as well, just make sure you listen to his...