Any chance your wife would be willing to do Retrovaille? It can break you loose of some old patterns, show you new ones, and really get things going in the right direction, like a much needed boost. You seem to need guidance in relating to each other which is totally reasonable. But MC is a slower process (still valuable) and in some ways it is not very "efficient" when you want to get things moving but aren't sure how to, and you're concerned about rushing too fast as well.
Frankly, we all need some tools when it comes to reconciling and for us, we were piecing for several months. It was Retrovaille that enabled me to feel comfortable saying "div busted" even though I felt close and committed before. I now feel a lot "safer" if that makes sense.
And the weekend does not have to cost you anything - though they will ask for an anonymous donation. (I know this for certain.) The weekend will open your eyes and give you hope, if it's like it was for us and the many couples we attended with. Then you'll have follow up work to do and more sessions are included and all of that is a really valuable thing to do.
Just a suggestion, but one that I cannot stress enough. It's one thing to see changes in your WAS...it's quite another to be happily married to them again.
J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
