I've got a nosy neighbor, Sunday i told him to quit trying to help so much around my house,wife needs to do things for herself,like mow and rake or teach the kids.
Not the one that wife is having an EA with.
Anyway he emailed me today and said he wasn't going to lie for me.
I emailed him back, don't lie, just don't mention it, you can help prevent or precipitate a divorce. you decide if you want to be happy or right.
No I didn't fix the book shelf, smiley face, its a book from the guy she's having the EA with, dang it, i'm not focusing on her, she only has one thing left to do to hurt me. Starts with a D and ends with an E.
Cat hit it on the head! Listen to what was said, because it is the truth. If your wife asks the neighbor for help...so be it. You only control yourself and the neighbor helping your wife will not end your marriage...you behaving like you did might (You talking with the neighbor was controlling in my opinion). The house is still yours, so you do have an investment in it. So if the lawn needs to be mowed or the leaves raked...use your options.
1) Offer and schedule a time to do lawn work...just set the times with your wife so she knows your plans 2) Make it part of your daughters responsibilities and pay her to do it. I read this one one a website...Pay her $10 to mow the lawn once a week to be paid at the end of the month. Stipulation...if you need to mow the lawn, not only does she not get $10...but she pays you $10 to do the job ($10 is generic...I don't know how big your lawn is). I like this option better.
Yes I am a little bit different on opinion on helping the other spouse out. Let me explain....Taking care of the house or cars is protecting investments and should be done. Example-She doesn't change the oil in the suzuki and the engines blows...Now you can tell her to fix it costing a ton of money or just let it sit while you still pay for it. Either way you end up paying a ton of cash for something that could have been taken care of civilly. These items are as much yours as hers, but any actions should be agreed upon civilly. Now doing laundry or cleaning her car...no way do you help there.
I would present it this way;
"Wife, I have a thought on giving more responsibilities to D. I would like your thoughts on what I propose. I feel we should pay D $x each week to mow the lawn so she has her own money. I will pay her at the end of each month with one stipulation. If she doesn't mow the lawn in a given week, I will come up and do it. Since D didn't mow the lawn, I won't pay her for that week and I will also charge her $x for doing it for her...what do you think about that?"
I see a potential win here for you if you act civilly and communicate effectively. Your D will earn her own cash and learn responsibility. You get your lawn mowed while teaching your daughter responsibility.
it is a lot easier not looking for meaning, is it normal to get frustrated and go what the hell is happening, i mean shoot 4 months ago we were a family, am I the only one that you see something and it reminds you of a better time and you get hit like a ton bricks going what the????I've read and I am practicing and I'm detached and then out of flipping no where comes this feeling of just I can't even describe it and that's when I do something stupid,I'm a better self, but man I miss how it was bad!
I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself, because the only one that's really bothered by me not being home is me.The kids are adjusting they've taken a 180 so I just don't get it.
It is a lot easier not thinking of wife, but is wrong to try to protect her,I mean there's something wrong...
I don't love my family because I need them, I love them because I need to love them and when I think like that is when I lose my edge and feel bad.
