I think there is one more part to this message: tough love.
"I don't know if we will ever be a couple again, but if you even want to think about trying again you have to break off ALL contact with OW first"
---
You're doing great!
Thanks Thinker but in my sitch, there is simply no ground for that ultimatum. I have the information. I have to choose what works for me. There is no marriage, there will be no transparency. He lives elsewhere and I don't trust him and I don't even want to be in the role of enforcing.
The only ultimatum I will consider is that he come to MC with me or we do not communicate beyond kids/money/logistics...I am thinking about it.
I don't even know if he is capable of monogamy and really it isn't even my first concern. His pathology is the biggest issue right now.
