Something along the lines of "You have caused me to waste 3 years of my life. Please do me the favor of releasing me from the burdeon of being married to you."
That would be sufficient, IMO. Just building his guilt without stating "just give met he D now and stop stalling" doesn't seem very effective. He's a bit on the thick headed side!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
His answer was " This is wrong, this development is wrong. I made first a mistake and now that mistake is being corrected by another huge one. And I dont knowhat you are talking about, I am not lying to you anymore".
No words about the finances... Sigh!! I dont know guys. I just dont know. K
I wonder if a period of little or no contact might not be a good idea. I know you just did that, but maybe it wasn't long enough. It seems to me that your interactions get pushed sideways by emotions on both sides right now. Which seems to lead to things just going in circles.
He is looking at this like it was a small error in judgement on his part. He doesn't want to see the total betrayal he perpetrated on you for 3 darned years while gaslighting you into thinking you were nuts. Too bad for him.
No contact? I don't think that is really possible because of the kids, but very little contact....totally appropriate. I don't know if you want to let him stew on this too much though or he could become more obstinate and fight you over details.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Kerry is right to say that you need to keep pushing him for the D. The others are also correct to see that not only is stbx in denial, but you are beating a dead horse in trying to get him to own up to what he's done. He can't and he won't.
In fact, there will be no movement from him until he is FORCED to move. So, keep telling him you want the divorce and you want it started now. Keep telling him it is too late and you are moving forward. Keep telling him you lost your ability to love him a long time ago and now it is dead for good. He needs to see the seriousness of your wants, so keep beating it into his head.
As was also mentioned, maybe try to go as dark as possible and only talk w/him on matters about the kids or about his filing the divorce. Everything else - his feelings, his actions, his apologies, etc. - are off the table for now.
I am completely dark. No phone calls, no nothing. Sunday was my son's birthday and I felt awkward but other than that, we are as separated as it can get. K
Good, we are both sorry then. The fact that you talk about "a mistake" gives you the answer why I cant fight for this M any longer. The way you consider/treat it, in your head, tells a ton about what you were prepared to do, face, fight, stand etc etc. I told you what exactly I would need to reconsider our M. You were clear you couldnt/wouldnt give it to me. Fine, I dont judge you. Based on that, I made my choice and want out.
I've had a hard time these last 3 years. Since you cant and wont give me what it's required, what I deserve and need, give me CLOSURE. Quickly. Immediately. " M
