Old "newbie" needs help FAST!!! Please respond!!

[ginab1966]

D:

I'm now feel we've conversed enough that I can be on a "first letter" basis with you. LOL

These are my thoughts. I knew that my husband wasn't rip roaring about going to Retro but he said he would go and I only tested that commitment once. My reasoning was that I as willing to try anything and Retro is something that is so different that it really does have a great success rate. Yes, you are pushing. I know that's not what we are supposed to do and you know it too. However, that said, I know why you are pushing. You just want the pain to end. You want a happier life with a partner that wants to be in the marriage and values you as a partner. Now you see how to become a good partner and recognize your issues and see what a good marriage is made of. To me, it's honestly exciting thinking about what my marriage could be if we both work at it and let the healing begin. It's so frustrating to be with someone that is only focusing on the negative. I said to a friend in CoDA the other day "H doesn't see the blessing that's right in front of his eyes. He has a wife that loves him unconditionally a beautiful daughter that thinks the sun rises and sets on him. We have a home and food in the refrigerator. Yes, there is stress about bills and such but that's just life." I want him to get out of his fog so he can see the blessings. But i can't do that for him...I want to...but I can't and there in lies the huge hopeless feeling and frustration.

We, the ones left to GAL and DB like crazy, get to a point where we say enough already. I just can't take this. I"m having a difficult time weighing the issue to stay and be completely committed with going so that I don't suffer more emotional abuse. Right now, I've chosen to stay and fight for my marriage by detaching as much as I can. It's hard because so may people tell you to leave and that you are worth more and you don't deserve this, yadda yadda. Maybe in my head i do believe I deserve this. Maybe my self esteem issues are getting the better of me here and I can't see the truth of the matter. I guess it doesn't matter....I am still committed but I have to be committed and detach with as much love as I can. These spouses have to know that they can't have their cake and eat it too.

My take for you on Reto is to just go if she will go. If she even says she's going to check it off her list, go anyway. What if it works? What if you don't go and then think "What if..." It's not that far away. It's 3 days of your life. You've been in the fight a long time...what's a few more weeks of trying. That's my 2 cents.

My hope is that some day you and I post to each other and are peacefull where we are..wherever that is...in or out of our marriage. Peaceful would be a nice place.

Just breath, think of your kids and do your best to have a good day. I'm sending good thoughts your way.

Gina B