I guess in if you look at it that way we are all nothing but scared little monkeys holding our nuts.
And that, my friends, sums it all up ;-)
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
OK Antlers...you've outed me...me real name is Hans Gruber!
AKA Alan Rickman.
OK, I want a cool movie name too!!
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
It's not giving up, it's letting go of the outcome. Do you know how to catch a monkey? Put a nut in a box with a hole just little smaller than the monkey's hand. The monkey will grab the nut in his fist and not be able to pull it out. His stubborness in holding onto the nut allows him to be captured. To be free all the monkey has to do is let go of the nut. Some monkeys have to learn the hard way though.
You can be a DB'er par excellence..make the greatest strides in personal growth....and sometimes you just can't save a marriage because you can't CONTROL SOMEONE ELSE. Letting go.....is the best singular piece of advice here. Detach.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
So it's been a week without contact other than basic kid stuff..mostly email, couple of texts and one or two phone calls. All focused on kids. Funny thing is it seems like way longer than a a week and when I check the calendar it's actually been 5 days...LOL
I'm not thinking about her as much and definitely not OM. That's not to say I've processed or dealt with anything. If I do think about it too much I am right back into sadness, hurt and anger. If I feel myself going there I divert. I do think a lot about whether I'm a bit naive, considering my circumstances...I left and W is not really in a fog, she's just dealing with the fallout from my leaving, trying to move on, my coming back and a new relationship in her life...just doesn't seem like I have much of a chance here
Anyway, I'm trusting the process. Staying quiet...sitting still Stronger. Look at more Condo's in kids school district. Buying something will definitely be a step away from W. Kind of stinks that I can't afford to give the kids nearly as much of a home when they're with me because I'm spending so much of my income supporting them in our previous house. Still, it's the right thing to do and they have lots of love when they're with me. That's what counts.
Communications with W have become very businesslike. I feel like I'm trying to work through really sensitive family problems (D14, etc.) with the IRS. She has reciprocated and gotten very businesslike and far less frequent in her communications. Knowing her as i do, and mind reading, I assume that she believes I'm punishing her for her asking for us to move forward with disillusion. Not sure how that's moving anything forward or making her miss me but I'm trusting the process. I haven't heard anything about disillusion paperwork so we'll see where that goes. If it's just templated stuff she should be able to get it in my hands quickly. I'm setting myself up to expect it.
Anyway, feels like my problems are minuscule compared to what so many are going through on this forum. My thoughts are with all of you.
Last edited by RedSoxFan; 09/30/0901:12 PM.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
