If it please the Court, my esteemed colleague Mr Tails has advanced the notion that "love is a feeling." Yet we have seen introduced into evidence throughout the boards the proposition that those silly Walkaways are hung up on the idea that love is a "feeling" when in fact it is a choice - one ought not wait for the "feeling" - pshaw! - but must simply choose. Well which is it? Because if it is a choice then it is indeed (inherently) quantifiable - one will "love" a "little bit more" with each passing day - or so goes the notion.
What happens if I choose to feel in love? Which in turn causes me to love a little bit more each day. Now I can be in love and do the things I want to have a vibrant relationship. BE + DO = HAVE
Heard a joke from Sir Ken Robinson on a TED talk. "Professors think their body is there to take their head from one meeting to the next."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
A wise IC once told me that I was doing pretty much everything I could to avoid feeling my feelings, and that included thinking about them intellectually and analyzing them.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
If it please the Court, my esteemed colleague Mr Tails has advanced the notion that "love is a feeling." Yet we have seen introduced into evidence throughout the boards the proposition that those silly Walkaways are hung up on the idea that love is a "feeling" when in fact it is a choice - one ought not wait for the "feeling" - pshaw! - but must simply choose. Well which is it? Because if it is a choice then it is indeed (inherently) quantifiable - one will "love" a "little bit more" with each passing day - or so goes the notion.
A wise IC once told me that I was doing pretty much everything I could to avoid feeling my feelings, and that included thinking about them intellectually and analyzing them.
excellent insight. I gotta chew on this for awhile.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Interesting, that often leads to the IC "how do you feel" mode of advice which is pretty precarious ("Oopsy, I felt that way two weeks ago but don't "feel" that way today").
Interesting, that often leads to the IC "how do you feel" mode of advice which is pretty precarious ("Oopsy, I felt that way two weeks ago but don't "feel" that way today").
I'll go with Pups interpretation.
Her point with me - and I'm not intending to generalize to SP here - wasn't to travel the 'go with your feelings' route but to break my habit of stuffing and avoiding feelings in general, especially the negative ones. The first step, so she sez, was to realize that I was having a feeling and to figure out what it was. That was actually hard sometimes as there were feelings I was unable to name when I was having them, in part due to 'not being allowed' to feel or express those things in my FOO.
She also specifically told me NOT to make decisions based on feelings, esp. the negative ones. "Do not make decisions when you're emotional. Do nothing. When you're not emotional and you have some distance, *then* you can make a decision."
Last edited by Dia; 09/29/0904:13 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
At the risk of continuing a threadjack (and at the risk of dating myself), I felt a little like that deaf, dumb, and blind kid, Tommy. I'd been told for so long that I couldn't/shouldn't/didn't or was a bad person for feeling hurt, anger or resentment that I couldn't even use those words in session at first. It was weird.
It was past the semantics of just not using the words. I really didn't know what that feeling was that I was talking about and I'd have to ask her. I'd relate an event, she'd ask me how I felt and I'd give her a description. And she'd say, "So you felt angry?" And I'd deny it. But she was right.
<shrug>
/end threadjack
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
If it please the Court, my esteemed colleague Mr Tails has advanced the notion that "love is a feeling." Yet we have seen introduced into evidence throughout the boards the proposition that those silly Walkaways are hung up on the idea that love is a "feeling" when in fact it is a choice - one ought not wait for the "feeling" - pshaw! - but must simply choose. Well which is it? Because if it is a choice then it is indeed (inherently) quantifiable - one will "love" a "little bit more" with each passing day - or so goes the notion.
Love is an emotion.
To love (or not to) is a decision.
Puppy
What this has always meant to me (and I know everyone is just hanging on my every word!) is that "to love" means "to choose to behave in a loving manner" i.e. with kindness, with respect, with cherishing, with grace.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Heard a joke from Sir Ken Robinson on a TED talk. "Professors think their body is there to take their head from one meeting to the next."
<shudder>
Yeah, that's a pretty good definition of what helped to sail my marriage towards the rocks. Interesting to hear it applied in a wider professorial context; I thought it was just engineers.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
