So D14's problems are probably at least partially connected to our family issues. So W may have some feelings of resentment and who the heck are you to act like you care now. Maybe that's why she's crass and disrespectful when I try to talk about.
So if that is the case, how do I deal with it? I completely get her feelings. I'd feel the same way. But I also care very much about D14 and can't simply back off.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Your urge is to emphasize that D14's problems are related to your family issues. Of course that just draws attention to you and your culpability.
Yep, and there is likely some connection so its touchy. It's not the whole thing though but I did bring it up in a deimphasized way and that probably set things off.
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
First of all, I would let the IC discuss the issues with W so it is a neutral party.
Really
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
You and W should only discuss how it will be handled. There is no benefit in discussing cause right now.
We have always been good at rising above any problems to focus and partner on our kids needs. I took care of the details but we vetted IC together. I don't know if either of us are likely to be hands-off and let the IC drive. I just set an appointment with school principal, school counselor, W and I to meet and discuss D14.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
All I'm saying is to focus on the current reality and solutions rather than cause. I find it very challenging myself because I want to say, "hello...yes S9 is depressed, because his dad is gone. How the heck do you think we fix that?"
All I'm saying is to focus on the current reality and solutions rather than cause. I find it very challenging myself because I want to say, "hello...yes S9 is depressed, because his dad is gone. How the heck do you think we fix that?"
Really good points A&K. I'm working hard to do exactly as you describe. It's effin hard though because I'm standing on a toothpick. I have no cred whatsoever and even the slightest mention of anything regarding D14 that is connected to our S sets of a toxic response. Because in the end, I originally left and she told me so.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
My name's not Bill Clay either, just a character from a movie.
The first Die Hard movie. The bad guy was trying to fake out Bruce Willis into thinking he was an employee in the building, so he told him his name was "Clay, Bill Clay" after seeing the name William Clay on the employee board.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
It's not giving up, it's letting go of the outcome. Do you know how to catch a monkey? Put a nut in a box with a hole just little smaller than the monkey's hand. The monkey will grab the nut in his fist and not be able to pull it out. His stubborness in holding onto the nut allows him to be captured. To be free all the monkey has to do is let go of the nut. Some monkeys have to learn the hard way though.
I love the analogy.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
It's not giving up, it's letting go of the outcome. Do you know how to catch a monkey? Put a nut in a box with a hole just little smaller than the monkey's hand. The monkey will grab the nut in his fist and not be able to pull it out. His stubborness in holding onto the nut allows him to be captured. To be free all the monkey has to do is let go of the nut. Some monkeys have to learn the hard way though.
I love the analogy.
I guess in if you look at it that way we are all nothing but scared little monkeys holding our nuts.
Last edited by C-Bart; 09/29/0903:36 PM.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
