Divorced and want to reconcile...

[dday101798]

mar,

So, he invites you in for a drink?

Who's idea was the trip?

As far as his uncertanty goes.... All I can say is cause and effect. Not to point any blame, but did you not go through the same confusion yourself when you opted to walk and even so afterward, especially when you were with someone else? Again, I can not stress how much it undermines ones confidence, selfworth and acceptance to be left for someone else.

Thus, if the answer to my questions above are his ideas and actions, then I'd say he is trying to overcome these problems, but I would certainly say it's going to take some time, and much like DBing, one wrong move could set you 3 steps back for every 1 step forward. I know if I were in his situation, I would be very skeptical and my securities on high alert for some time.

That said and answer your final question: Yes, I would. I let my XW know many of times in the past that it wasnt' too late, we'd need couseling and would have a long road ahead. The last time we discussed anything was what 10 months ago, and XW said she wanted to come back, but wasn't sure how, we ended so quickly, she went to him, then "jump back together" was her view of it and she wasn't sure she could do it. (whether that discussion was b/s or not, is still undetermined [example of the insecurities XW bestowed in me])

Well, I stressed to her, there would be no "jumping back" together. It would take months and months if not longer to repair the mistrust damages. I am finally bowing down and seeing a counselor of my own for the first time ever. I still kept a ear on that preverbial door even after almost a month that the D went through, hoping to hear a scared tap on it, as I know she wouldn't have the brass to knock. But, it never happened, life goes on. Funny, now that I've moved on and started to prepare myself for getting 'back out there', XW is ballistic, but seems to be par for the course.

If she came to me today and said she wants to come back, my reply would have to be, there's good news and there's bad news.....

The bad news, there's nothing left to come back to.

The good news, there's nothing left to come back to.