She certainly seems confused. Has she always been like this or just since the OM came along? Maybe she doesn't know how to get rid of him, but she has to do that before reconciliation with you. She doesn't seem to have a problem telling you to get out or that it's none of your business about OM. So, some of that may be cake eating....IDK.
One way for her to make up her mind is for you to move on and to get out and start dating. I would suggest that you be very careful not to get into anything serious since you still have feelings for your W. The point of seeing others would be to "wake her up". I don't usually suggest this when people are still legally M, but it seems to be what works in the nature of people. If she still loves you, then she will be jealous of you seeing other women. She need not know any details, just that you are dating. That should make her either go to you with a final decision to reconcile (and kick OM out once and for all), or she will move on with OM. Either way, I would think you need to know and not keep yourself upset by her flip flopping attitude. If it is hormonal, then her doctor should be able to detect the problem and help her. She almost sounds bipolar.
I think you are doing the right thing. It is strange how we tend to let ourselves gp "down" in a MR, and then when we find ourselves single we start to look better. I don't understand it unless we unkowingly are trying to attract somebody else. I'm sure your W notices your improvements and wonders why you did not do that while in the M with her. Anyway, keep doing what works.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
