UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Sanderika]

Good Evening Ladies, it's early morning for me on Tuesday.

I don't have much time this morn,

MLC Men:

Are looking to escape responsibility.

Are out to recapture their youth, a 46 year old man living life as a 17 year old teenager.

Are out to have fun and are having fun, they seek it. They are finding it in OW and in the freedom from us and the marriage.

They lie.

They cheat.

They are confused.

They are incapable of remembering words said to us. Whether it's "I'll call, text, email, see.....you." OR "I'll come by and help out with ( )." OR any trivial (to them) conversation we might have.

At the beginning they see us as an anvil tied to their legs. They are suffering in depression and unhappiness. They HAVE to run away. They run as far and as fast as they can. They convince thenselves and decide they hate us and cannot love us and never will again in order to make leaving easy.

What they don't see is the side of us that doesn't give up on them. They cannot imagine that they will be faced with a wife who won't give up. My H said I sent him into a complete tailspin by the surprise that I changed and maintained the changes. H said I threw him right threw a loop and that is what has kept a D at bay.

I only accomplished the changes with time and determination. H was able to see those changes over time and cannot deny they are real and are permanent. It took time. It took well over 4 years for us to get here. H cannot D me. H loves me. It's really hard to D someone you actually like to be with and love.

There is no overnight fix. It takes knowing your H and knowing what needs to be fixed to make the changes and bring him back in.

I can now get out a bit more and GAL. I want to. My son is now 13 and can stay alone for a few hours. I plan to do just that this season.

For me, when our son was born is when I lost my fun and spunk and spontaneous side. I took on the role of mother and father and did it very seriously. My H drives a truck and spends a lot of time away. I had to and not by choice. When H was home he wanted to play, it was hard with a little one. I made the mistake of not finding sitters. A control freak back then for sure. So, I can pinpoint when it started and now that son is older I have no excuse for getting back out there. I regret my choices of neglecting my H. I let him get away.

You don't see H much, when he is over make it count. Be fun, funny, carefree. Make a suggestion for a picnic. Make a suggestion for a nature walk. Ramp it up....suggest H meet you at a restaurant for a drink and appetizers. Look sexy and smell gorgeous. I know you are in a remote area, there must be something to do regardless.

(((((Nell))))) you have to win him back over to friendship before you can proceed with more. He will be gun shy. Treat him well. Greet him well. Be patient and gentle. Time will turn it around if he finds himself questioning his choice. You have the control to make him question his choice.

I have to run for work....later......

Sanderika