The sequel included...H brought the kids home tonight (usually I drop them off and get them from him)...he offered to help get them to sleep which they loved. S7 grilled H out of no where about why he and I don't act married or spend time together and on and on (...such timing), I left the room. Once settled in bed I came in and H was laying next to S7 who asked me to lay down next to him on his other side and then wanted a "triple kiss" (the three of us) which we did not oblige...somebody had an agenda.
After the kids went to sleep H and I had another Twilight Zone conversation. I got confirmation that the woman I had guessed was GF earlier today is right on the money. I did cry, not because he has a GF but because of the flashback of me asking him to please not go out with her back then and his unwillingness to give up what he saw as an opportunity (she's related to a famous person) led to this, plus all of the months of mind-f*cking. He said he didn't feel anything for her then (pre-bomb). I said he doesn't know he feels something till his pants are down.
He finally apologized. I asked what he was apologizing for and he said for me being "right." He said he has no idea where that R will end up (sounds ultra complicated). He held me when I cried. I thought I was going to throw up a couple of times. But, we laughed too. He wanted to know what I've done and I refused to discuss my personal life in detail. I did tell him I'm thrilled that I don't have a boyfriend but that I've dated and like getting attention but that I would not want to have to deal with more drama...and that I feel sorry for him seeing him struggle with all of this. He was sort of tickling my legs and telling me how great I look. Then there were things that we addressed from the list of WAS made up memories and he admitted that he has operated from that list and knows it is BS and he apologized again. He spoke of his own narcissism (not a classic narcissistic thing to do)...
I have no clue what is happening. He talked about wanting to leave this town, not for Europe but elsewhere. He admitted he's screwed up. He wishes he believed in therapy (we went through years of it before with no significant catharsis). He spoke of these people he has a sort of surrogate family (the rich ones)...I told him that I hope our kids wont grow up and seek a surrogate family because they don't have their own. We talked about his profound mommy issues and how so much of his bitterness and rage toward me is about her.
When he left, he hugged me and kissed my cheek and then my forehead and then told me that I'm sweet and he likes me.
And then he texted me, "thank you."
There was so much more and I wish I had recorded it. I don't know if it matters. As my best friend just told me, he's a mess and he is not someone I can rely on. But, I do feel for him. Just as a human being, I see how lost he is and I feel for him. What next? I dunno.
