8 months into it, first post

[pearlharbr]

EJohn,

I just have a minute but wanted to stop in. I have read through your whole thread and think you're doing a good job.

So this is where I'm on the fence. Do I wait patiently, while moving on with my own life, and see if she's actually serious? To me it feels like she just wants to party and play (that's all the OM is good for), and that when she's done playing I'm supposed to just take her back. I'm not going to be someone's number 2. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me.

Good for you. How long you wait is up to you. You told her that when she's done with OM she can ask you if you're still willing to work on things. I would add, "But I will not put my life on hold and I will not wait forever." And you shouldn't.

I just don't understand. I'm really confused on how you tell someone that you want to be together, then do the complete opposite.

She's cake eating. If she knows you'll be around no matter what then her behavior will not change. If she sees you walking away then that may be the wakeup call she needs.

Example from my own sitch: BF told me he wanted to work things out with me while he was living with OW. Uh, I don't think so. I said we had nothing to discuss unless and until he was finished with her and I stuck to it. He kept wanting to talk and I refused to see him until he told me he was no longer in contact with her (and then even that was a lie because I walked in on them standing a foot apart, but that's another story.)