So I'm sitting here in the livingroom on the sofa typing away on my laptop. H strolls on through in his underwear to get a drink in the kitchen. I glance up just a little, and he's lookng over at me. Then he asks me if my computer is working alright.
Is he DBing me? Is he trying to get a reaction out of me? It must not be that uncomfortable living with me as stated in that horrible projection letter.
I wouldn't be able to endure what I'm going through without the STRENGTH and LOVE GOD has given me. HE gets all the GLORY. GOD is so awesome. HE picks me right back up whenever I've fallen. I am leaning into HIM right now more than I ever have before. HE has got me and you in the palm of HIS hand. HIS word is no evil formed against me will prosper. SO I will stay strong and BELIEVE in HIS word. AND try my best to be patient with HIS timing.
Today when I came home from work, H was already home. Mmmm... Interesting. He was sitting in the livingroom watching TV with just a pair of gym shorts on. No shirt or shoes. I noticed he had done several chores around the house, and there were several beer bottles in the trash can. As I may have mentioned before, he's not much of a drinker. Also, when he placed a new garbage bag in the kitchen garbage can he scared me half to death. He shook the heck out of that plastic bag so hard even the dogs went running for cover.
I continued to be bubbly and friendly from the time I walked into the house until he trudged off to bed.
It is just so funny that your H is just so uncomfortable living at home so he says - as he walks around in his underwear, makes rootbeer floats, does chores, hangs out in just his gym shorts, etc.
There is just no figuring it out.
You sound like you are doing pretty well.
God's timing - sometimes a hard thing to wait on. But I guess that is all part of the journey!
Ever since H has been going through MLC, he stopped saying it whenever I sneezed. (to me anyway). I made it a mini goal of mine for H to start saying it again. So last night I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was within earshot in the den. I sneezed and guess what! I couldn't believe it! YEA! Of course I gave him a grateful thank you. Some of you wouldn't think this was any big deal, but it meant a lot to me.
I don't know what it was, but being around H was making me uncomfortable last night. He was sitting in the livingroom with me eating dinner and watching TV. It almost felt like he wanted to talk about something. Since I've had two big blows the last couple weeks, I wasn't up to hearing anything else right now. If it might have been positive, then that's the chance I was going to have to take. So I freshened up, and went out for a while. It did serve two purposes however. Getting a life, and getting away from H. When I came home, the lights were left on for me. He was in bed.
I know it would probably be impossible to go dark living in the same house, but I think I'm going to try going dim. I don't know what else to do. I need to detach from this craziness.
I left the light on for H when I went to bed last night. I woke up about 1:30 during the night, and noticed the light was still on, and he was not home. After deciding to turn it off, I did a quick check of his bathroom. His toothbrush wasn't in the holder. Evidently he wasn't planning on coming home when he left for work yesterday morning. I tried to rationalize it by thinking maybe he went to a seminar for work out of town. Not to be. He was already home when I got home today. I've gone crazy trying to analyze it. I even broke down at work today.
If it weren't for the STRENGTH GOD has given me, I think I would have had a meltdown a long time ago.
I got to thinking... Could H be trying to tear me down. To see if he can make me so upset, that I say something to him that I really don't want to say. In that way he can feel justified for his actions. I have been giving him my unconditional love, and trying to treat him in the way GOD would want me to. As I am writing this, his cell phone is ringing. It must be skank. I feel so violated. He is home,with his wife, and she is calling him.
I wonder if H has realized that the worse he gets, the more I'm going to want from this D he wants so badly. Just like Ivana Trump says, "Don't get mad get even!"
Who really knows what he is doing/thinking/not thinking, etc. You are just going to go crazy analyzing and trying to figure out. Detach, detach, detach!! Try to be out when you think he might be home. Try to think about something positive when you start thinking about where he was, who is calling, etc. Do what you need to do to take care of you.
I know the detaching is easier said than done and it takes time, but it is the only way to stay sane.
