Sorry for your news, but you seem to be handling it well. And yes, nothing but down side for him.
The news is liberating. There was a woman he was "friends" with before he left me. I had expressed my discomfort with his spending time with her and he insisted they were friends and that I was being unreasonable. That was really a rough time and I felt so insecure and crazy. Well, he blew it. He can scream until the cows come home about what a b*tch I was or how I "killed this marriage" but he and I both know full well that his actions led to the ultimate result here...that is emotional freedom for me.
Now, he has a far away lover who he can romanticize indefinitely. He's stuck. He wants me, he misses me, but he has her on his mind and she is so much more exciting than me...beautiful, famous, talented, successful...but somewhere he knows that it is fantasy. He wont have a wife in her and he wont feel the warmth and security that he has with me. Once he and I are over, where will they go with it? He can't live with her there and if she ever came here, well, we know how those relationships go. Talk about disillusionment...the exciting far away secret lover moves in and then what?
I hate that this is my life but I picked this insecure star-f*cker so I've got to face it.
Quote:
Question is what is it you want?
No clue my friend. I know that I am so thrilled that I do not have a boyfriend right now. I want to be about me for a while.
It is funny, with regard to H. I can't know if I want him. I don't know who he is. I don't know what he is or isn't capable of...I don't know what he could do to be my man again.
I feel really good. I said things without fear today. I called him on his sh*t. It may have been 4 hours wasted but, it was a stark reminder that a) I've still got something he can't quite let go of and b) WASs tend to be full of sh*t. I also validated when it was warranted and I just feel really good about how I handled it all.
His last words in our conversation, "I'm just confused." Not bad at all.
