I was annoyed when she told me my 7 year old didn't have school on Monday so she was staying home with him. Not that I could have taken off, but she should have told me.
I want to discuss something that I've had on my heart. It is plain to see the the children are/is the primary contention in your MR presently. It isn't the "root" of the problem, obviously, but you and your W are pulling these boys between you. Both of you are jealous of the time the other parent spends with them. If she has ten minutes longer than you think she is scheduled, then you come unglued.....and visa-versa. I understand, really. But, I want you to see how unhealthy this is for both of you....but more importantly, the boys. Don't you know that these young children are smart enough to read both of their parents? Not only that, but they WILL take advantage of the situation. Even though they would want nothing more than for their parents to get back together.....don't think they won't get all they can out of the time they are with the indiviudal parent. They will also play one parent against the other.
What I think your W is seeing is this........ you as being the Santa Clause parent. Perhaps you have had to discipline the kids and just have not mentioned it, but I do not recall a single time you have told of you having to really do anything "unpleasant", expect make them go to bed or take a nap. What do you do when your three year old throws a fit? Do you see what I'm saying? Your W feels that she has to be the "bad parent" b/c you are just with the boys on the weekends and all you do is play, play, and play some more. I think it is fantastic that you can do this with your kids, b/c so many parents will not give that much of their time and energy to their children. You talk about how the boys yell hooray when they know it's time for you to come see them, but of course they do b/c they know it is playtime. I hope you won't misunderstand what I'm saying here, sweetie, b/c I know that you want more than anything for your boys to love you. You are working so hard to make up for the pain that has been caused. But can you see from yours W's point of view? I am concerned that she resents the fact that you are the Santa Clause parent and she has to be the bad guy. I know you could say that she brought all of this on herself....and that is true. But, not only does it hurt your chances at a future with her, but how does it affect her R with the boys? Resentment comes out some way....some how and about the time a little something looks like a flicker between the two of you....then some anger about the boys comes up. I only wanted to bring this up and wondered if you had thought about this. I hope you won't take what I said the wrong way. It's really hard to see some things objectively when hurting so badly.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
