Look at the recent posts in my Main Man @Thinker's house -- Mrs. Thinker seems to think that marriage and marital love are "supposed" to be synonymous with the first tingly flush of infatuation. Mrs. SP Herself whipped out a similar notion just last night: "I always thought that if people were meant to be together, they'd be together."
Quote:
But instead, Fantasy collides with Reality -- and because we are oh-so-fallible, we humans, we work desperately hard to preserve our perception, our dearly held belief, that THE FANTASY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE "TRUE REALITY": Aaagh! There are problems in our marriage! I'm unhappy! Walkaway! Walkaway!
Well bullsh*t! I can't help it that you had stupid preconceived notions about marriage, and that you've been evaluating everything that's happened in light of them!
Holy Guano, Batman! I think I said roughly the same thing about preconceived notions here here:
Quote:
I do generalize - and if playing with that idea, I would challenge anyone to find me a statistic that shows that the majority of participants in dates present an accurate picture of themselves. My point should have continued by pointing out that I believe that most relationships that fail is because this initial portrayal is believed by the "other person" (see above) to be the real deal, and the relationship, marriage, and happily ever after are built around this. Pardon me if my cynicism is showing. Is the marriage failure rate because of this?
So, let me continue with a two-pronged explanation to the explosion of divorces, regardless whether they are purely statistical or not.
First of all you are spot on here:
Quote:
Either there are more Dumb-Asses than ever or....Walkaway Herself [with all due respect to @aliveandkicking's occasional bursts of gender-based indignity] no longer has to put up with DAMS. Because she can get a divorce.
YES! It's the easy thing to do! And life today is about easy!
Now, for the second item, and I'll again preface this endeavor at explanation with an apology for cynicism. My own experiences have been enough for me to feel fairly certain about my prognosis, but I will make an attempt to not obfuscate the issue.
I have seen many unsuccessful attempts at marriage counseling - many recommend finding out ahead of time if a counselor is "pro-marriage". It is a common and pervasive theme in modern psychology that most emotional issues are caused by repressed feelings. I'm certain there are many in that professional line that would hem and haw about my gross overstatement, but I've engrossed myself in the subject, and it is my non-professional opinion. Been sexually abused? Express your feelings. Husband doesn't understand you? Express your feelings. I do not argue that there is not therapeutic and healing from these types of things, but is that what all problems in life revolve around? Not expressing your feelings? By Jove, we can solve that problem right quick-like!
If the comedic line in a movie's psychological scene is "How does that make you feel?", then we can pretty much ascertain that feelings are pretty important.
Enter stage left - our specially selected MC. So chosen by Mr. Jonf because she met Mrs. Jonf's requirements - said requirements being "No Christian counseling, must be a woman, must not think marriage is the best solution". Hindsight being 20/20, dear reader, the criteria were certainly not in my best interests, but such was my zeal to retain our holy matrimony.
Back to our feelings situation - our first and only session, Mrs. Jonf's description of Mr. Jonf included "Strong, great father, loyal, handsome, good provider, intelligent, good conversationalist." Not exactly the description I was looking for (sexy, smoldering, Brad-Pitt-look-a-like) but I'll take it. When asked if she was attracted to me, the astonishing answer was "Yes". MC, upon discovering the background of sexual abuse in Mrs. Jonf's history insisted on one-on-one counseling, to which an agreement was readily reached.
Fast forward 5 weeks, and Mrs. Jonf came out of the counseling session with these feelings, "You are to blame for everything bad in my life, including my childhood sexual abuse."
Blink, blink. Regardless how impossible the implications of me affecting the lovely Mrs. Jonf at the ripe old age of 5, can we rewind back to the earlier description, and start over from there?
Long story short, and after much tearful accusations, MC, in her infinite wisdom, suggested to the vulnerable Mrs. Jonf that she should embrace whatever her feelings, and go with them, regardless what they were, because, in so doing, she would be her truest self, and her feelings were true, not matter what they were, because they were "true to her".
I consider myself a reasonably intelligent man, but that bit of circular reasoning left me completely speechless - a situation in which I rarely find myself.
MC, of course, never talked to me, and specifically and clearly refused to counsel me individually or us together.
Shortly there after, Mrs. Jonf began entertaining propositions from men, started an A, and completely renounced any responsibility stating she "felt the marriage was dead, and therefore over."
What is my point? My intent was not to slander the unprofessional MC, but rather to indicate, in very broad terms, that modern society, modern psychology, and modern thinking simply revolves around, "What makes me feel good?"
