Hey MJ....I don't know what I would do without you replying so consistently to me. Thank you.
I went to bed last night thinking I would just respond when he initiates...I was trying a 180 bc normally HE initiates.
Anyways, early this morning as I am getting ready for work, he calls!!! He says "I just wanted to apologize if I said something wrong last night. You hung up in a weird tone."
I was just going to let it go, but then I thought, I have nothing to lose...this man is lost to me. What more can go wrong?
So, I said " Well, I felt a bruised that you are not attracted to me and don't have those types of feeling towards me. I wasn't being overtly raunchy or anything, I thought I was being cute and sexy....and you told me basically to not bother. I'm a woman and it makes me feel bad that you responded in such a withdrawn manner."
He said "It's NOT that I'm not attracted to you. But, we are in a delicate place and I'm afraid that if I started exploring the sexual side of us, desire would cloud my judgement and I would HAVE no control and this would make me come back to you. I don't want to come back to you just for the sex."
I decided this is CRAP! Whatever! Give me a break. Thanks for being such a nice guy. But, guess what, you lost that title the day you handed me Divorce Papers.
I said " We are divorced and I don't think sex should be the only reason you come back to me. On the other hand, we have ignored each other for a very long time and if you are looking for some platonic relationship....I'm not! You'd better figure this part out quick. If we are supposed to be dating...people flirt! And the message you are giving me is "Don't". I didn't like it, but I can get over it. I know I'm attractive. I am working and part of the world and I see men reacting to me. But I was just trying to have some fun with YOU."
He said "I know. I am working on it. I feel like we haven't been this way in such a long time, I feel shy around you!"
I didn't know how to respond to this...so I just said, "well, we can work on this if you want." And then changed the subject.
I don't know how to respond to this or how to proceed. Part of me was thinking I would continue intermittently to initiate. At least it got us talking. He called me as I was leaving work to ask how my day was....I do NOT understand these MLCers. I find I need to be so much MORE grounded than normal and I'm pretty grounded NORMALLY. SIGH. I don't know...
I guess I will just play it by ear.....I hadn't thought about him "trying to get a reaction from me"...you have given me food for thought, MJ. Thanks...
