Im positive that he notices it. I think that even if he didnt, this is better for your head than having relatioship discussions and fighting.
Im also certain that when hes ready to play nice, he knows how to find you. If you do have an interaction with him where he starts to be disrespectful, tell him that you wont be talked to like that, and when hes ready to be respectful, he can try again.
Under NO circumstances, let him call you names, or yell at you. Of course, this means that you need to behave in the same way you want to be treated. Demanding this kind of respect will hopefully make you respect yourself more too!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
He doesn't call me names or yell at me. The most frustrating part is that he won't tell me anything (I haven't asked lately). But, he thinks ANY type of discussion is a fight. I've never been interested in fighting. But, I have been interested in talking about the issues, trying counseling, trying to get information from him about what he feels. He just shuts down and says he doesn't know or isn't going to talk about it.
That's another reason pulling back from him is good for me. Trying to get info from him is exhausting and then he just ends up saying something hurtful.
Today when I got to church he sent me a text asking if DD and I would be home this afternoon. That was 3 hours ago and I haven't replied. IDK...if I should or shouldn't reply. But I feel like if he's want to be a part of our life and know what we are doing, then he should recommit to his family. Why does it matter if we are or are not going to be home? Because he wants to make time for us today?...sorry, but that's not the way it works. This is not about conveience, it's about commitment. And the last time I checked on his whereabouts he totally lied to me and intentionally deceived me so I don't feel like answering his questions. Any thoughts???
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
He just sent me another text asking me to reply. Hum...I can't tell you how many times over the past year he was running wild and when I attempted to ask him where he was - he avoided the ?, didn't reply or replied with a comment that had absolutley nothing to do with my question.
And he asked if I don't want him around today. I wish someone could reply to me right now - so I know what to say to him. I feel like saying DD and I have plans. Or DD and I are having a great time without him today.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
If you've always replied to him quickly in the past & not replying right away or at all is a 180...then it would seem to make sense. I am replying to most of H's texts but my 180 is learning how to show him he's important to me and I respect him. (Diff situations?)
Yes, in the past I did respond to his messages right away. And I would also check in to see what he was doing, if he was coming over, to tell him things about our DD, to ask questions about our marriage, etc.
Buttercup, yes we have different situations. I've poured my heart out for the last yr telling my H how much I love him, want to keep our family together, how we appreciate him, etc. I have gone through stages where I contacted him daily then sort of ignored everything. But this time it is different, I'm not giving in this time.
I told him tons of times that I love him and want to make our marriage work. So, I'm doing things different...not responding, not forcing conversations regarding our marriage and I'm GAL.
The only message I sent him today was - "We are having a great day on our own." Everything is still hard, but pulling back lifts some of the burden off my shoulders. I don't have to sit and focus on it all day long. I've got better and healthier things to do with my time.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
So this morning I tried taking DD to story time at the library. Oh goodness...she would not sit still, be quiet and listen. After a warning, I picked her up and we left. She yelled on our walk out of the library, "No Mommy!" and plenty of just screeching and crying. I'm sure my face was all shades of red as EVERYONE stopped to stare at us. Ahhhh...with all the stress my H has put into my life by walking away - that could have ruined the rest of my morning. In the past, I would have been a stressed out, frustrated grump. But not today...I kept my cool. Talked to my DD about her behavior and we had a successful stop at the store before going home.
IDK...guess I'm just feeling stronger and better. Sometimes I let the stress of our marriage just eat up all of my energy and patience, but not today! And it feels great. We came home and got out all of the Halloween decorations, had lunch and a good rest of the morning.
I'm hanging in there and trying....it's still a roller coaster. But, I'm releasing myself of all the worry.
Last edited by courts0818; 09/28/0905:06 PM.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
And...Still not sure what to think about H asking me (via text) if I didn't want him around yesterday.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I say only do what you're comfortable with. If you feel uncomfortable with him coming by, tell him you that day is not good and leave it at that. He doesn't need an explanation and it will keep him guessing about what your are doing. Be polite and nice, but let him see some happy indifference and be vague.
Yea, I hate the rollercoaster. I once told my XW that I was strapped in and ready for the ride. The reality was that I should have just got off for a bit and let her rage for a while. There's no use in me letting her drive me to the funny farm, so I detached and worked on me.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
Well...what a day - plenty of good and bad moments today. Feeling a little down bc the weather is gross - cloudy, cold and windy! And I burnt our baked french fries in the oven. lol. Nothing that a warm shower and some prayer won't fix.
Staying strong or at least telling myself - I'm strong. Knowing that God is with me!
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I agree, bluerain, keeping tabs on my W's myspace and facebook has only hurt me more. I removed her from both after explaining why to her. She understood.
It's obsessive and will hurt. Often better not to know the details. Often they set the imagination off into even worse territory.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
Knowing that God is with me!