Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

I'm answering my own question. I think it has to be A.

I think that right now if she did anything it would be because she felt forced to. The end result would be that I feel better, she feels worse, and then we crash again.

I have to suck it up for a while.

As to my LL's, pretty simple actually, and pretty typical. Physical Affection and Words of Affirmation.

What was it that my W used to do that I really loved (some examples).

- Every night, when we finished dinner, she would motion for me to push my chair back and she would sit on my lap for a while - talk, I'd thank her for cooking if she had, maybe kiss - nothing sexual. The important thing to me was that it was togetherness and a routine connection and it was clear that SHE WANTED IT. (This stopped years ago, not sure when)

- She used to love to kiss - would find me to initiate and if I was too distracted or would try to break off early, she would insist and pull me back. It wasn't always her initiating, but it was clear that she liked it and wanted me to kiss her.
(At some point, her kisses turned into perfunctory pecks, and at times dissapeared all together. Now, if I try to kiss her, it is clear that she doesn't want it, and that I am imposing it on her)

- She used to be THE snuggler in bed - to the point where we used to joke about it, and sometimes I had to ask her to back off for a minute so I could stretch. Same if we were on the couch, etc. I loved it because it was clear that SHE WANTED TO BE WITH ME. Now she sleeps on her own side of the bed and never ventures across. If we snuggle it is because I come to her and initiate, and I am never quite sure if she is happy about it, or just tolerating it because it is easier than pushing me away.

Sex was, of course, the same. Playful passion became "Hurry up because I'm tired and want to go to sleep."

as far as words of Affirmation, she used to make it clear when she talked about us, particularly when telling "Our story" etc that. It had a sort of "And then he came and swept me off my feet" feel to it. Now, when she tells our story it sounds more like "And then he showed up and I didn't know how to get rid of him" feel to it. It's kind of insulting rather than complimentary, but it's always so subtle that I can't really call her on it - it's just her feelings coming through.

So what all of this tells me, is that to get my LL's met, she needs to CHOSE to be with me. Anything else and it will be the difference between a loving massage and a "vibro-massage" lounge chair - unsatisfactory because the connection just isn't there.