I came home from work to W feeling a little icky. (cold & headdache).
I stoodd against the cupboard like I used to do when I got home and she hugged me like she used to. She held the hug longer than I did. Since she wasn't feeling well I offered to run her a bath andd she was very appreciative.
I said it a few months ago...it's almost scarier when things seem to be going well. I know now to keep my expectations in check though. It was only 3 days ago we argued about her real estate transaction.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
You know, I guess I haven't always been a religious man but all of this has really opened my eyes. As part of me GAL, I have been going to church faithfully now for over 2 months. That is not a long time, but it does feel good. I feel like it is my time to give.
I find myself praying often during the day, out loud. It is nice to let go and say what is on my mind and ask for help for others, not just "help me".
Hope your night goes well EB.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
You know, I guess I haven't always been a religious man but all of this has really opened my eyes. As part of me GAL, I have been going to church faithfully now for over 2 months. That is not a long time, but it does feel good. I feel like it is my time to give.
I find myself praying often during the day, out loud. It is nice to let go and say what is on my mind and ask for help for others, not just "help me".
Hope your night goes well EB.
Prayer has made a world of difference for me. Nothing but good can come from that. I will pray for you as well.
Before the bomb, I would have sent W some message..."Thanks for last night" type of thing. I'm just leaving it alone now though.
Any thoughts? Suggestions? Should I just act like it didn't happen?
EB.
This sounds like the night before my W moved out. After that, I went pretty dark. It was a drastic change for both of us. But everything lined up right with her moving out the next day.
I wouldn't act like it didn't happen. But I wouldn't make a big deal of it either. This was a very odd time for me. My W was still in the house, I saw her everyday, but we both knew she was moving out. I did my best to be friendly, I didn't want her last days in the home to be unbearable. But I started putting up boundaries (i.e. no kissing, hugging, etc.). However, all of those boundaries came down the night before she left (because it felt right to me).
I guess what I am trying to say is there is no "right" way to do this. There are certain things that you need to do: 1. Validate W's feelings 2. GAL 3. Respect W 4. Respect yourself 5. Be a great father 6. Improve yourself 7. etc.
But beyond that, I would say be true to who you are. When I tried to do something that was obviously not me, my W would see right through it. However, when in doubt, I would say "less is more".
All good suggestions. I'm really trying on all fronts. It's hard to validate when I see things so differently. W is smart. Saying things like "I'm sorry you feel that way" pi$$es her off. She just wants to hear "you're right, I am a bad man and we aren't meant to be together." I've gotten better at this though. I choose words very carefully.
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She watched some recorded TV last night. We used to do this together all of the time pre-bomb. We talked about the episode and I think she wanted me to stay and watch it with her, but she didn't ask me to. (she never asks me to do anything...always says if I wanted to I would. It's maddening) So I went upstairs and read.
I just got a book called Love Must Be Tough. W saw it sitting on the counter, read the title and said "ain't that the truth."
Before bedtime I went downstairs and gave W a hug. She held onto me for a while again. The dog jumped up and we played with her for 20 minutes or so. Very playful. The joke here is that the dog that we have LOVES me and gets jealous of W. If I hug W or sit close to W, the dog jumps in between us. She usually puts her behind on W freaks out to get my attention. We were laughing hard about it.
When W was getting ready for bed she stuck her head in "my" room a couple of times. (she always has some 'legitimate' reason for it) Finally I said "just get over here and give me a hug'. She did. She cuddled up with me for a minute...until the dog jumped in again.
No kisses. No ILY's. Then off to "her" room for the night.
S7 went and laid with her this morning when I was getting ready for work. I went in to kiss him G'bye. Told W have a good day, but offered no hugs/kisses, etc.
I'm sure she's still going, but once again this will be something more positive to miss than arguing and coldness.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
A couple of days with a little affection and I end up here again? Huh?
What's a boy to do?
I'll leave it alone and I've made plans for after work just to make sure I don't come off needy at home. It's weird after all this to start wondering what she's doing today. Wondering if she's thinking about me.
MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Once again, you and are similar, EB. Of course, not really, my H wouldn't touch me if I was the last female on earth. However, two days of not seeing him and I am Jonesing a bit. But like you, keeping busy, not being needy.
