UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks (((((Sanderika))))) - you know, so much of that makes sense to me and I realise that it's not me who's going crazy.

"My H has also said that we are separated and I am not cheating or an adulteror because we are separated. WRONG....WRONG....WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That only served in his brain to validate his guilt and the existence of the OW."

- I'm so glad for your quote here - I thought that it was only me that felt that way. You have validated that H is wrong and not me. We are legally married - there is no LEGAL separation here. Therefore, he is cheating - and cheaters lie.

"I have made my H very comfortable around me and our home. I have won his friendship and he enjoys me"

- so, how did you get to this point from him hiding away from you and moving out???? I can barely get my H to communicate by email with me.

"The one thing that is keeping H away at this point is he thinks I am no fun"

- and maybe this is where I need to start. I have been so wrapped up in so many traumatic issues for the past few years, including my reactionary thoughts (depression?) to our emigration that I have lost my spunk. I don't think that I even know how to have fun anymore. When we were back home and I had my friends around me, it was easy - I was always laughing and jolly. Here, miserable, nothing to do, no place to go, no friends and a H who has been in the fog for a while seemingly, it was no wonder that I stopped laughing. That's what I need to work on - especially next time H sees me. Why haven't I seen that before now? H's ow is (I imagine) full of responsibility in that the tramp has kids - I don't. I'm free, I'm able to get out and drop anything at the drop of a hat .... perhaps that's my trump card .... now I need to play it ... but how so?? I have to find a way ....