It's cool. Normally, it would be a good idea, but since she's doing the Conflicted Twist, you have no idea from moment to moment how she'd receive such a thing. A comment made in person, when you are present to physically read her body language and know where she's at, would be a better idea. No shooting in the dark, though.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Good point. I have no idea where she is at with it today. She was REALLY good with it last night. She was very open and comfortable (no ILY's or anything which was kind of weird).
This morning she wasn't really awake when I left though so I didn't get any read on her. I just told her to have a good day, she said it back and I left. I didn't go in for a good bye kiss.
For all I know she could be thinking a lot about it, it could have just been sex, she could be missing me or looking for houses. It's just all over the place.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Well if you don't bring it up, she has no choice but to think about it = in her own terms with no input from you. She needs space to process her conflicted feelings on her own, I think. As long as you are not responding, she must be faced with herself.
And, moving out does not mean it's over. Her actions show that her feelings are not to just call it quits. So hang on to that. Remember a part of her still loves you and wants to have a R. This moving out thing is about THEIR need to have space to sort out their own feelings, without blaming them on us.
Only thing to add would be to just be cool. You don't want to become part of the problem. Better to watch from the sideline and respond to her questions. That way, you don't put any pressure on her.
Thanks guys. You'll never know how valued your input is.
It's so hard to talk through this stuff with family and friends who have never been "here." They just don't get it. Everyone's response is "just give her a taste of her own medicine" or "kick her to the curb".
You guys get it. I appreciate your time and insight.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
We also "get it" because we are all going through something similar. We speak from experience. Your friends - who love you very much - may or may not have been in your shoes, so they guess at what to say. They are trying to protect you even if it's not the advice you need.
It's a great support to know that there are many people on this forum going through similar circumstances. We also refer to the DB to have a guide through troubling times. It's a unique place to get a unique perspective.
