Parents must be back in town - I tried calling tonight - no answer. Tried back every 15 minutes or so for three hours - nothing. Ringer must be turned off.
If something came up, I'm surprised she didn't tell me about it - she's actually been okay about telling me about when they were leaving town or what not. I hope they're okay, but the best guess is her parents decided I shouldn't be talking to the kids after all, and convinced her it was "her idea" to not let me talk to them.
I sent in all the paperwork for the conciliation/mediation. Let's see how fast the court system works.
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
Am I reading this right...your wife actually talks to you when her parents aren't around? Yet when they are around, you can't even talk to your kids? How have the conversations with your wife gone when they aren't around? I am very curious.
I also agree completely with Lola that divorce is getting to easy in this Country. Marriage is a legal contract between two people and should be treated the same. In the business world if a company backs out of a contract there is usually quick and painful repercussions. I would like to see some of the Tort laws coming back...specifically the ones that pertain to adultery and criminal conversation. In too many states these behaviors go unpunished, yet some one is getting hurt. Just my 2 cents...lol.
No, she doesn't talk to me when they aren't around. However, I seem to have more access to the kids when her parents aren't around.
I have no conversations with her, except over e-mail. I try to keep those short and with the LR techniques - just the necessary things; otherwise, she starts ranting about all the things I've ever done wrong in her replies.
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
I have no conversations with her, except over e-mail. I try to keep those short and with the LR techniques - just the necessary things; otherwise, she starts ranting about all the things I've ever done wrong in her replies.
Regarding using DB techniques, one of them is to validate where possible the issues the WAS is having. In your case I would not validate anything since it will most likely be used against you. Instead I would calmly stick to the line of "I'm sorry you feel that way". Just my two cents.
Thanks. I think I may have validated a bit too much early on, actually, back when I went a little crazy and started making promises to be perfect and never mess up again, before I found DB.
In other news, she e-mailed me to claim Sunday's dropped call was due to her parents phone being on the fritz, but that they have a new phone now.
But then she told me that our oldest son was having stomach aches and acting really distressed after our phone calls, and it must be my fault because I'm not talking to him about the "right" things.
She's in total denial, obviously. He can't be distressed because she's splitting up the family and he misses me and loves me. Nope, it must be because I am talking about the "wrong" subjects (whatever they are).
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
Thanks for the clarification...I was confused for a second.
I like what "VH" said above...very true and a good thought from a DB veteran. Like SH said, be careful about content in your emails..it is easy for somebody to twist meaning around. Sounds like you are aware of that and are keeping things short.
I don't necessarily disagree with VH's comment, all I am saying in regards to LW's situation is that he has a very volatile situation with a spouse who would take the comment "I understand why you feel that way" as admission of his guilt and use it against him. I still think he would be far safer to stick to a more generic "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave it at that.
Though about the third time you come out with "I'm sorry you feel that way" it will get used against you too. Even that can get twisted... something along the lines of, "if you are sorry I feel that way why don't you fix it."
My main point was that validate is not agree. You are not responsible for how that's interpreted by your spouse.
