Old "newbie" needs help FAST!!! Please respond!!

[ginab1966]

Ok everyone, another very tough few days. He has never said what he wanted to talk about and went out on Saturday night coming back just two hours later and going straight to bed….our bed. I thought he would be sleeping on the couch, or so he said. Then yesterday I was out most of the day with our DD grocery shopping and then when we came home he told me within 5 min of me getting there that he was going to move a friend of a friend. He left at 2, came back home at 6 with a new shirt on and a WalMart bag. He said they canceled moving and he just walked around WalMart for an hour or so, went to GameStop and had lunch at Panera. He sat down with us to have dinner and made pleasant conversation. He then went downstairs to play computer games and I did the whole bedtime routine with DD. He then comes to bed in our bed again and starts making small talk about his new PX90 work out routine, how sore his muscles are, yadda, yadda, yadda. I’m not talkative and don’t say much but don’t act grumpy or anything. I’m just “there”.

He lays on me today in a text message that he’s not going to the country fair that we were going to this weekend (planned for a month to go just he and I for our anniversary). He texted that he’s “not feeling like going to the Big E”. I respond “Ok. I will take our DD instead”. He says fine and end of convo. Then he texts me that he forgot to tell me that he’s not going to his psych appointment tonight and going on his bowling league instead and not to wait up.

This means he has seen is daughter a total of 2 hours since Friday night. She was crying that he didn’t take her to school today and I told her she would see him tonight to make her feel better. I realize now that I have to detach. I know either something big is coming down the line from him (the bomb dropping) or just a pretty serious pull away. I know what I’m supposed to do. I need to lovingly detach per CoDA and per DB. I’m just having a hard time knowing what to do when he is all chatting laying in the bed next to me and acting like I’m his buddy. How do I handle that? Just be quiet and say very little? Should I do a 180 and move out of the bedroom? I did a BIG 180 this weekend. When he told me he was quitting retrouvaille post sessions, I just said “ok”. I did do any of my normal begging. Then when he said he wasn’t going to fair I said “ok” again. Then when he changed plans tonight, I just said “ok” again. Normally this would’ve been met with temperature taking and lots of re-negotiating, etc. Inside I’m panicing over the pretty severe 180 that he has taken and I’m just doing my best to just stay in control. I could really use some encouragement, advice, help.

There is part of me that wants to burst out “If you want to leave and you are so miserable….LEAVE and STOP TORTURING ME!!! Get it over with. You wanna be so independent then leave and then you won’t have someone who manages every detail of your life…JUST LEAVE” Honestly, I think that him leaving is almost a good thing because maybe he has to leave to realize what he’s got. I’m not giving a chance to miss me or her or anything because I still take care of EVERYTHING.

Tonight I’m going to go home with DD and play games, put her to bed, give myself a facial, a pedicure and work out. That’s the plan for what I’m going to do for me to keep me happy.

Thanks for listening and weighing in…God, I thought we were past all this.

Gina B