OK. So I had an in depth R talk with my wife today. Those of you who have given me advice on my situation, I have some additional insight for you now so I am looking to see if there is different advice for me now. I need help with new/ additional 180's now.

In our talk she told me that her entire falling out of love with me, her inability to touch me, etc. has to do with the hurt I have caused her for the way i have treated her verbally in the past few years. She said that my verbal abuse chipped away at the love until there is nothing left. She does not even know if she wants to try to repair the M. She is seeing an IC now and wants to see what happens. In speaking with her it is clear that there is no love left for me.

I do not want to speak bad about W or try to rationalize my verbal assaults on her. I will say that the things I said were out of extreme grief related to the death of my dad, being told by W that I had held her back for years, what i perceive to be an EA and other mistakes I believe she made. I do believe that some of my insecurities which she hates stem from some of her behaviors/ comments. Her mistakes, which are common in every marriage I am sure, however do not justify how I treated her. I have made mistakes but I am working on changing as I know I was wrong (She wants to know why I didn't figure it out before as i was grieving and she does not understand fully why I grieved).

It appears though that my changes may be too little/ too late. She does not "trust" me enough to spend time with me, be alone with me, go on a date, etc.. She has no interest in me whatsoever. She wants me to change and give her time and then she will decide how she feels about the trying to work on the M.

I have never cheated on her nor could I. She has said that, if I had, there would not have been a second chance for that. Right now I am not sure that there will be another chance anyway.

The frustrating part is that none of my insecurities have any merit to her. She is tired of reassuring me and fells like she has had to do it our entire message. She sees me as weak and needy and cannot support that anymore. I thought each partner has strengths and weaknesses that the other supports. Well, she has, but has become tired of doing so and as she says, she will not do it again.

Again, I think I could paint a picture where you may understand some of my issues better than she can at this point but I am not here to tear our M down any more that it already is and I do not want to speak badly of her. as I said, I am trying to own my mistakes and errors.

The bottom line is I hate how this has ended up, I hate wondering if my family will be torn apart, and I hate feeling like I am the only reason we are in this mess.

Since she cannot care about my feelings anymore, where do i go from here? Any prior experience with trust issues due to anger/ verbal abuse in which an EA/PA are not involved?

Thanks daybyday for your thoughts. I felt like I needed to add this "wrench" into the mix to see if there was still any hope or not and what ideas can be shared to get my onto the right path.

I felt like I was standing up for how she has hurt me in the past but it ended up being much different. I want to fight for my marriage and to provide a great environment and example for my kids but it appears I may not get that chance. The decision is now in her hands.