Putting Out the Fire with Gasoline...

[blindsided1]

Need a little help today. ExH has been calling more than usual and "saying" he wants to come see K at swim practice...yada yada yada. So, Sunday, he brings her to her first tumbling/dance class. I meet them there because I wanted to be there for her first class. He lets me participate while he sits out. Well, a few minutes into class, I look over at him and he is going through my phone. I immediately rush over there and he asks me who my boyfriend is. I told him I didn't have a boyfriend and he shows me a text message conversation I had with a "person of interest" which is pretty flirtly & mentions the fact that we kissed. The he asks me who has been playing with K. What man has been playing with my daughter and spending time with her. He somehow has been looking at my FB page (probably through his brother since he is a friend of mine on there) and thinks that people are posting comments about someone spending time with K and I. This is so NOT the case. I have no boyfriend, no one is spending time doing stuff with K and I. But, he thinks there is and the look in his face almost looked like pain. It took me off guard and my eyes welled up. Luckily, at that point the teacher called me over. So, our converstation ended there. After class, he walked us to the car. Before he left, he asked me if I was going out of town over his birthday and wanted to remind me that he had K that weekend. I told him that I was aware of it and that I hadn't planned on taking with us. I'm going to Palm Springs with a girlfriend. But, I didn't tell him that.

So, here is where I need the help. Why did I get so upset that the prospect of me being with someone else, moving on with my life and building my own family, might have made him hurt a little. Why should I even care. I hate that I care. I hate that I still care whether or not HE hurts. He doesn't and didn't give a crap about how much I hurt for the last two years. So, why do I still care? And, to top it all off, I felt guilty about the texts. Like I shouldn't be flirting with someone else. Like I shouldn't be moving on. What the hell is going on with me? I have been doing really well and now I feel uneasy.