Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Greek]

...but she feels like if we go forward with our M, it would be (in her words) "Like an arranged Marriage" - ie, we are not here because there is "a great foundation of chemistry and love" but because we are together and are therefore forced to make it work.

It's very hard to see "better". I admit that I NEVER (use of the word NEVER is precise) thought/believed Coach and I could have the marriage we are building now. The models of "love" in my life were my parents (divorced) and falling in love with Coach (infatuation). That long term PARTNERSHIP was never shown to me so I couldn't imagine what it would take to have it.

She is looking back on her memories of our R, and does not see something positive she wants to build on.

Hurt clouding memories.

She is also hanging on very tightly to "Love is something that happens when the 2 people are right for each other" rather than "Love is a decision and something that requires work"

Oh grow up, my sister! I hope you won't take offense, Thinker - but this is silly Girl talk. How many times has your W seen The Notebook? Hollywood, infatuation, what we daydreamed of when we were 17...but real life it ain't . Would that she could believe the Real Thing truly is BETTER. It's not effortless, it's not without risk, but better by a mile. Give her my number

I told her that in no way do I want to stay married to someone who does not choose to be married to me. Although I didn't say this, I am clear in my own mind that unless she choses, she will always put all responsibility for the R on me (as she is doing now) and continue to resent me whenever she is not happy. Unless she CHOSES to be married to ME, we will both be miserable.

We agreed that something has to change in the R. It can't go on like this. I told her that I would accept a decision to cancel Retrouvaille as a decision to stop working on the M completely, and in that case we should contact a mediator and begin the D.

Spot on. Good man. Tough love.

Does Mrs. Thinker know about LL?

Greek